Who: Bob Ryan, 53, of Lakeside Park, a mild-mannered family kind of guy (he and wife, Mary Beth have three daughters, Sarah, 24, Megan, 23, and Aimee, 13) who really, truly hates flies.

Bob Ryan and some of his collection of fly swatters (Tony Jones photo) | ZOOM |

        On display: Thirty fly annihilators in designs ranging from the wacky to the functional.

        Where: Mounted on the wall behind the door of his office at New Perceptions Inc., a private, non-profit agency in Northern Kentucky that serves children and adults with disabilities. Mr. Ryan serves as Coordinator of Adult Services.

        Talkin' trash: “I've always hated flies,” Mr. Ryan declares, toying with a fly shaped paperweight that he keeps on his desk. “They are only put on this great earth for two reasons I can think of: To be food for frogs and a nuisance for people.”

        “I'm not sure they do anything else good in life,” he says. “There may be somebody who thinks they do something good in the food chain besides that, but not me.”

        Be gone!: Family picnics find him on patrol, whacking away at the annoying pests. He's even lent his talents to the workplace. Before New Perceptions Inc. had an air-conditioned cafeteria, he would kill flies and clean up tables before lunch.

        “It was sort of a running gag with my staff,” he admits. “But as long as the guys in the little white jackets don't come and get me, I really am sane. A sense of humor is important in today's world.”

        Bye, fly: Mr. Ryan's hatred of the compound-eyed devils became so renowned that 15 years ago, family and friends started buying swatters for him as gifts. His collection now includes models in the shapes of: a guitar from the Grand Ole Opry, a flip-flop, a sunflower, a ladybug, bumblebees, a golf club, a couple holding hands and a rocket ship. One even screams whenever you hit something.

        Serious business: But those are for decorative purposes only. When Mr. Ryan's on the warpath, only a good old-fashioned 99 cent manual model will do. He believes that they are the most effective and always has one at the ready.

        “It's best to be prepared,” he chuckles. “You never know when there might be a fly that needs to be swatted.”

       Share your prize possessions with Marsie Hall Newbold by mail: c/o The Enquirer, 312 Elm St., Cincinnati, OH 45202, e-mail: marsolete@aol.com. Please include a daytime telephone number.
       

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