Grandmaster Hong Kong Kim leads a class including Enquirer reporter Shannon Russell. (Michael Snyder photo) | ZOOM |

        I've spent the last week doing exhaustive scientific research of a very serious nature, hereby transcribed in these blood-curdling results: When asked to name their favorite type of hat, most respondents sitting in my living room at 8 p.m. Wednesday said “ballcaps.”

        I was stunned by a zero percent vote for “shower caps” and an equally poor response to “beanies.” What was most chilling was that NO ONE SAID “THINKING CAPS.”

        So I got to thinking about education today and the lack of that product in my very own columns, by which I mean actual facts.

        Therefore, for Summer Adventure No. 10, I have chosen a highly complex sport entrenched in athleticism and philosophy. To advance beyond the next paragraph, each reader must pass an equally complex multiple-choice exam that I have painstakingly constructed with the help of a dictionary and several caffeinated beverages. Translated into the world's simplest language (Pig Latin), this literally means UN-RAY. OP-PAY IZ-QUAY!

DOWN? TENSE?

If you're searching for a challenging blend of physical fitness and mental inspiration, look no farther than your nearest martial arts studio.     From Kung Fu to Tai Chi to karate, Cincinnati is home to more than 55 organizations specializing in the well-being of an individual's mind, body and spirit.     Sixth-degree black belt Dave Williams, a sensai at one of three local Nishime Karate Fitness centers, combines equal portions of Japanese martial arts with aerobics fitness in his karate classes. Students as young as 3 are taught the tenets of respect and discipline; adults incorporate advanced self-defense with exercise.     “For the kids, we basically focus on life skills — how to be still, how to listen. Kids can learn how to punch, kick and block, but they also learn self-esteem,” Williams said. “And that's what some of the adults want, too.”     Eugene Fields, director of A Way of Life: Bushido Inc. on Rockdale Avenue, is one of few to offer the Japanese discipline of judo. The sport is derived from jujitsu and emphasizes quick movement and leverage to elude an opponent. Fields, who placed fourth at the 1964 Olympic Trials for judo, describes it as a variation of wrestling.     “Martial arts like judo tend to give participants a sense of security. They know they don't have to fight, but they also know how to protect themselves,” Fields said.     Martial arts also can alleviate personal and social problems, Master of Tai Chi Vincent Lasorso said. At the White Willow School of Tai Chi on Montgomery Road, Lasorso teaches the ancient Chinese series of meditative movements practiced as exercise.     Lasorso said the low-impact motions of Tai Chi, an adults-only form, are equivalent to walking. Mentally, the meditations can bring a new outlook.     “People who have road rage are helped with Tai Chi,” Lasorso said. “Instead of getting upset, they just see it's another person who made a mistake.”

        You have 60 seconds to correctly answer the following question:

        Q. If a complete stranger approaches you and says “Ahnyoung Ha Ship Ni Ka?”, your correct English response would be:

        a.) “Please pass the liver mousse.”

        OR

        b.) “Fine, thank you.”

        If you chose option b.), congratulations! You are encouraged to continue reading. For those who failed the exam miserably, please return to the large Q. above and retake the test until you correctly select option b.)

        In Korean, “Ahnyoung Ha Ship Ni Ka?” means “How are you?” I learned that and other important information, such as how to attack lumber, in my latest adventure, tae kwon do training.

        To discover more about this Korean martial art, I visited Grandmaster Hong Kong Kim's Black Belt Academy in West Chester and spoke to Grandmaster Hong Kong Kim himself. I brought along Amy Russell of Mason and Danielle Boal of Hyde Park, who have been guinea pigs in so many adventures that they've willed their bodies to science.

        Grandmaster Hong Kong Kim is no ordinary tae kwon do instructor. A ninth-degree black belt, he coached the 1992 U.S. Olympic team, served as a technical adviser to the 1988 U.S. Olympic team, coached in three World Games and was an instructor to the Green Beret Special Forces during the Vietnam War.

        I began by grilling him.

        “Grandmaster Hong Kong Kim, what IS tae kwon do?”

        “Tae kwon do is exercise and philosophy,” he said. “Every country has exercises in how to defend themselves and protect each other. We organize these teachings through education.”

        Literally translated, tae kwon do means “the art of hand and foot fighting.” It's an ancient Korean martial art of combat based on courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control and indomitable spirit.

        We became je jas (students) in the do chang (training hall). After removing our shoes, we joined other Je Jas wearing white tae kwon do uniforms, or do boks. By the time we learned our first move, the chun be (ready position), it was clear we had as much skill and finesse as three slightly fatigued yaks. Our one saving grace was that no one could see our yak feet. Until ...

        “SOCKS! OFF!” Grandmaster Hong Kong Kim instructed.

        Scientists have determined that bare feet are less likely to slip on a vinyl floor, so we balled up our yak socks and tossed them into the corner.

        Our next move was the key-ma ja-saekong-kyuk, or “riding horse motion with punching attacks.” In a crouching position, we learned how to extend one arm with a fist while keeping the other in an L-shaped crook by our side. We also learned sliding steps, jabs, middle and upper attacks, and upper defenses.

        “I started to get tired until I looked to my right,” Amy admitted. “A 6-year-old was doing a better job than I was.”

        Danielle, meanwhile, quickly was becoming stunt-double material.

        “I thought the moves were easy to learn and practical. It's basic self-defense,” she said.

        Lengthy documentation has proven one important thing in today's society: You can't trust a large slab of concrete, not for a second. I say this because as we exited our lesson, we noticed a prominently displayed picture of Grandmaster Hong Kong Kim. He had corralled five of said devious creatures, positioned them on a block and chopped right through them with his bare hand.

        Feeling somewhat bold and dehydrated, I asked if I could chop up something too. I mean, really, how hard could it be?

        Grandmaster Hong Kong Kim kindly led me to a gigantic shelf of wooden boards and selected my dastardly foe, which was 1.5 inches wide and 8 inches long. When he held the block out and said “Break it!” I began to worry.

        “Uh ... is this such a good idea? I mean, don't people lose hands this way?” I asked.

        “You can do it,” he said. “Believe in yourself!”

Grandmaster Kim shows Russell the correct punch position. (Michael Snyder photo) | ZOOM |

        I stood in a partial lunge and made my right hand into a fist. I envisioned the board breaking in half, mostly by thinking of all the boards that have wronged me in the past.

        “Make some noise!” he said.

        With a thunderous “HI-YAAAAAAAH!” I brought my fist down on that board.

        And, with a resonating crack, it splintered in half. Hurrah! High-fives for everyone!

        I'm happy to report that my hand emerged in top condition — never mind that that specific board length is age-appropriate for 4-year-old students. After an hour of tae kwon do training, I have the confidence to lay waste to an entire fishing pier.

        In closing, I sincerely hope you expanded your knowledge with this story and that you have learned the basic principles of tae kwon do. If you are still pondering the quiz, you might need to trade in your thinking cap for something else, say, for example, a shower cap. Or maybe even a beanie.

Sports Stories

DAUGHERTY: Hewitt's spirit wins the match For once, serve saves Hewitt Present, past No.1s in final Winning at mind game puts Spaniard Moya on a roll American duo makes history in doubles Five questions with Patrick McEnroe Moya, Ferrero put aside their friendship on the court Davenport reaches first final of year One for the history books Rudd looks to tie Gordon for road course wins Stewart almost too competitive Faltering Woods still leads by 1 Last chance to make a major impression Miami No. 1 in AP preseason poll Wildcats know 'bottom line' Young says following McMahon prepared him for Montana Enquirer's Page Two power rankings The Tae kwon do Kid

Reds 9, Padres 0
Reds box, runs
Reds Q&A
Cinergy countdown - Sept. 17, 1983
Pain still afflicting Pineda
Astros 8, Braves 5
Cardinals 5, Mets 4
Notes from Saturday's games
John Fay's MLB power ratings
Lieberthal hits three homers against Dodgers
Little progress in labor talks
Williams' son ends his baseball experiment
Columbus 5, Louisville 2
Quarterback derby heats up for Bengals
Bengals Q&A
Contract on table would lock up LB for 5 years
Saturday's NFL Preseason Games
Miami-UC meeting first since 1997 game
3 GGCL volleyball teams in Top 25
Prep girls golf preview