“Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to stop Saddam before he can use his stockpile of biological, chemical and nuclear weapons of mass destruction. If you fail, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.”

        Phhht. And the tape melts.

        Too bad it's a Mission Impossible. John and “Ding” are fictional heroes in a paperback fantasy. The real world has all kinds of inconvenient rules and sharp-edged “issues.”

Don't have a mad cow

        If President Bush gave orders to smoke Saddam, France would choke on its Burgundy and smelly cheese. Great Britain would have a mad cow. The tabloids in London would accuse us of “genocide” with half-baked bubble and squeak, like their stories on the “massacre” of Palestinians by Israel that never happened. The United Nations would hold an emergency session and vote to kick us out — as soon as we pay all their bills.

        Democrats in Congress would say the president was recklessly irresponsible, because he didn't let them leak it in advance.

        College professors would pass petitions claiming “It's all about oil” — and they would be accidentally right. Europeans would rather let Saddam nuke Israel — and the United States — than risk their access to his oil.

        But what really worries President Bush is that he could be personally targeted for a jihad of retaliation. Not by Osama — by Peter Jennings, Dan Rather and CNN.

        Let's face it: The media would have seizures.

        Some journalists would not mourn the loss of the butcher of Baghdad. There's ample proof that Saddam collaborated with al-Qaida and Osama. He's the biggest threat in the war on terrorism, with who-knows-what stashed in his basement chemistry labs since he kicked out the inspectors.

        If a daisy cutter accidentally fell on him while he was counting his germs, most Americans would cheer.

The blame-Bush crowd

        But the in-crowd media — the New York Times, news weeklies and network news anchors — would rip into Mr. Bush like a V-8, turbo-charged, fuel-injected chain-saw.

        Maybe that's why a recent poll shows that only 49 percent of Americans think the media “stands up for America,” down from 69 percent right after Sept. 11.

        Polls also show most Americans support an attack on Iraq.

        There are no polls to measure the media's support. But you only have to flip on the TV news to feel like flipping off the reporters who blame Israel for picking on poor Palestinian homicide bombers.

        During a C-SPAN interview, Tom Clancy said the press is no friend of America's soldiers. “I don't know whose side the media is on,” he said. “How many have ever worn the uniform of their country?”

        I don't expect the press to be flag-waving Pentagon parrots. But when America goes to war, we shouldn't have to wonder if the New York Times is on our side.

        E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 768-8301.

After snubbing Cincinnati, Cosby coming to Oxford
Some won't give up on Sabin plans
Downtown businesses watch plans come, go
Downtown retail projects slowed by drab economy
Food, crafts show scheduled in Reading
Jim Coomer lived the life of a riverman
Judge sentences Waagner to 20 more years for gun, car thefts
Second home for teens
Supporters of Israel rally in Blue Ash
Tristate A.M. Report
Two-week vacation ends for convict
Wrecks snarl traffic on I-71
You've read 'Seabiscuit'; now you can be in the movie
BRONSON: Defending Iraq Why the media get no respect
HOWARD: Some Good News
SMITH AMOS: Policing the police
WELLS: Convention center
Edgewood, Cinergy OK tax amount
Neighbors raise stink over smell
Ross schools reduce levy request on Nov. ballot
Scholarships for the stage
Terminal, not airport, named for Hogans
Bad wigs abound at ballpark
Ohio considers Amber alerts
Ohio may have 3rd West Nile case
Ohio revokes liquor license of Uncle Milt's bar in Avondale
Suspect in 4 murders had troubled, not violent, past
Bridge troubles Walton
Customers would - and do - travel 500 miles for this sale
Kentucky Political Notes
'O Brother' artists to play Clooney festival
Trucker sought after woman reports attack