The clouds rolled in.

        After we asked Enquirer readers about local worst-case scenarios, they opened their dark sides and let loose with letters, faxes and electronic messages.

(Enquirer photo illustration) | ZOOM |

        They talked about hideous traffic, falling bridges, earthquakes, terrorism, civil unrest, waterfowl, river accidents and Jerry Springer.

        It all started with a discussion of the new television program, Worst Case Scenario, (TBS, 9 p.m. Wednesday), based on a series of books by the same name.

        Some readers told us about real-life encounters with real-life challenges. Others wondered simply, “What if?”

        There were dozens of scenarios. Here are some of them, followed by suggested reactions from experts we asked:

The scenario: Labor, fireworks and a bridge

        “It was Sept. 6, 1998, the Sunday before Labor Day. I was pregnant. My husband, my 1-year-old son and I had just moved that day to Mason from Newport. We had arranged for friends in Newport to take our son when we would have to go to the hospital, in Avondale.

        “That evening, my water broke! Could we get across the I-471 bridge and back over to Bethesda Oak? My husband thought we could. We approached the bridge as the fireworks began. There was no turning back.

ON THE SHELVES

What: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook and Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Travel    Authors: Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht    Size: 176, 190 pages respectively, paperback    Publisher: Chronicle Books    Price: $14.95 each    Highlights: Landing planes, stopping runaway camels, jumping from speeding trains, foiling routine UFO abductions.    Success: Regulars on best-seller lists since February 2000    Other products: Calendars, postcards, “Dating & Sex Address Book,” and holiday cards.

ON TV

What: Worst Case Scenario    When: 9-10 p.m. Wednesdays    Where: TBS, Time Warner Cable Channel 57    Host: Mike Rowe (Romantic Escapes and Can We Shop? with Joan Rivers)    Segments: Gear Girl (dangerous gadgets), Volunteer Challenge (overcoming fears), Face-Off (one-to-one competition), Caught on Tape (real-life moments), 5-Mile Radius (getting out of a dangerous area), Ripped from the Pages (of the Worst-Case books).     Motto: “Because you just never know.”

        “The traffic came to a dead stop. My husband tried to get people to move out of the way, to no avail. Finally, he ran a half mile ahead to wave down a police officer who helped us get to an exit ramp. We took our son with us to the hospital.

        “Our Labor Day baby, Elizabeth, came in with a bang.”

— Betsy Carras, West Chester

What to do in the worst case:

        From the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht (Chronicle; $14.95), right there between bombs and frostbite comes a chapter called, “How to Deliver a Baby in a Taxicab”. (We're assuming it works much the same way in the family car.)

        Gather clean, dry towels, shirt or other cloth, the authors suggest. “Guide the baby out by supporting the head, then the body ... dry it off and keep it warm...If necessary, clear any fluid out of the baby's mouth with your fingers ... tie the umbilical cord (A shoelace works well.)...It is not necessary to cut the umbilical cord unless you are hours away from the hospital.”

The scenario: Party-talk terror

        “You're a guy at a neighborhood party, and, as usual, the men and women separate.

        “You don't play golf or follow professional sports. Worst-case scenario: you live in Northern Kentucky, it's the middle of March Madness and you don't follow college basketball. You've never even seen a UK game.

        “How do you survive the night?”

— Pete Rightmire, Edgewood

What to do:

        “Start a new trend by talking to the women as a way of encouraging others to do the same,” suggests Ann Marie Sabath, author, consultant and founder of At Ease Inc., a local company that specializes in business protocol and etiquette training.

        If that doesn't work, and you anticipate another invitation, “After having a pity-party for yourself, get over it and brush up on a spectator sport or two. This way you can go with the flow for the evening.”

        For a more dramatic solution, “Put your house up for sale...and move to a neighborhood where people are comfortable mixing and mingling with men and women alike.”

        Or just “Earn the reputation of being a recluse by not going” to the parties.

The scenario: Visions of violence

        “Terrorists attack Carew Tower during the work day...

        “Bomb threat at Bengals stadium during a sold-out game (fat chance).”

— Vickie M. Townsend, Westwood

        “I worry about Procter & Gamble being a target for a terrorist attack.”

— Pike Levine, Wyoming

What to do:

        “The best defense we have to any terrorist incident is knowledge,” says Edward R. Bridgeman, terrorism expert, associate professor and head of the criminal justice department at University of Cincinnati's Clermont County branch.

        “Once we ... realize that we are targets, we should move to a higher state of awareness of our surroundings and situations. Know where the exits are, how to get out of an area in the best and most expeditious way, how to protect yourself in the middle of a stampede, what to do when the power fails, how to use a fire extinguisher, etc.

        “Far too many folks go around in "neutral,' totally unaware of what's happening — locally or globally — and miss the obvious signs of impending victimization.

        “Look, watch, think, then report your gut feelings to the authorities. Trust your instincts when they tell you something is wrong. When you get that "elevator' feeling in the pit of your stomach, you have probably noticed something you are not even consciously aware of. Act at once to defend yourself.”

The scenario: A riot

        A riot in downtown Cincinnati.

— Toni Rehbaum, Colerain Township

What to do:

        Mr. Piven and Mr. Borgenicht have written a “How to Survive a Riot” chapter in Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Travel.

        Among their tips: Remain indoors if you can. Wear clothing in muted tones if you can. Exit away from gunfire or mobs. Leave as a group. Do not run. If you must travel by car, use evasive maneuvers. At roadblocks, “...be prepared to bargain your way to safety.”

The scenario: Boat stalls on river

        “You're out on the river with a stalled motorboat or jet-ski and a barge is coming toward you.”

— Carolyn Martin, Anderson Township

What to do:

        “Proactive is always better than reactive,” reminds Tony DeLong, investigator, Ohio Department of Natural Resources, Division of Watercraft. Avoid barges whenever you can and remember that “it takes barges as long to stop as freight trains — or worse, depending on the load.”

        But let's assume you weren't paying attention for that part of the boating course (You did take the boating course, didn't you?) and there you are in the path of tons of floating steel.

        If you have a marine-band radio, tune to Channel 16 (hail frequency) and announce your position to the tow operator and anyone else who will listen. Then, find your international-orange distress flag (2 feet square) and “Make sure it's up and visible,” Mr. DeLong says.

The scenario: Social faux pas

        “You just got named to the Opera Guild. That weekend you stop at Wal-Mart to pick up cheap cookies for your daughter's Scout meeting and bump into the president of the Guild. How can you maintain your reputation and not impugn that of your worthy president?”

— Spence Ingerson, Westwood

What to do:

        “Lighten up and recognize that it is more and more "in' to shop at Wal-Mart,” says Ms. Sabath. “Just take a look at the Mercedes and BMWs in the lot.

        “If you're really into name-dropping, mention that you just returned from Servati's.”

The scenario: Brakedown

        “You're driving north on I-75 and start down the cut in the hill. Your brakes fail.”

— Spence Ingerson, Westwood

What to do:

        According to the Worst Case Scenario — Travel book, pump the brake pedal. Relax and steer. Shift into the lowest gear possible. Set the emergency (parking) brake, but not too hard. (Too much pressure can cause the rear wheels to lock and the car to spin.) If you have room, swerve back and forth. Making hard turns at each side of the road will help decrease your speed. Look for something to help you stop (field, fence, intersecting road that goes uphill, a vehicle in front of you).

        If you choose to hit a car in front of you, try to hit one larger than yours. Do not attempt to sideswipe oncoming cars. In desperation, try a “bootlegger's turn”. Yank the emergency brake hard while turning the wheel a quarter turn to make the car spin 180 degrees.

The scenario: Bridge falls

        “I thought it might be interesting to know what to do if you were on a bridge and it were about to collapse.”

— Brooklynn Blackmore, Boone County

        “You're parked on the Public Landing and the river has risen so that water surrounds your car.”

—Carolyn Martin, Anderson Township

What to do:

        Two simple steps from the Survival Handbook:

        1) Open windows.

        2) Get out.

        Opening the windows helps equalize water pressure as you sink, which helps you to open doors under water. If you're diving the Plymouth into water more than 15 feet deep, it is likely to land upside down, in which case you should try to get out while the car is still floating. (Hint: the Ohio River under the Suspension Bridge, under normal circumstances, is about 26 feet deep in the center. Depending on the car, floating time can range from a few seconds to a few minutes.

        If you have electric windows and the openers won't work, try to break the glass with your foot or shoulder or a solid metal object in the car.

The scenario: Quake shifts river

        “A mild earthquake tips the local topography so that the Ohio River changes course around Cincinnati and flows north of the city. Cincinnati would no longer be part of "The Heart of It All'. You would have to switch your allegiance from Ohio State University to the University of Kentucky.”

— Steven Byrd, Winchester

What to do:

        If the earthquake hits while you're indoors, stay there, and stay away from glass, according the Worst Case Scenario. “If you are out in the open, get away from buildings, power lines, anything that can fall on you.” In your car, drive away from traffic and stop. Do not stop on, under or near bridges, trees, light posts or signs. In a mountainous region, watch out for landslides, falling rocks and trees ... be prepared for aftershocks.

        Worry about the Buckeyes and the Wildcats later.

The scenario: A fictional note

        At the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden, “I was handed the standard 2 to 5 pounds of brochures and booklets and stuffed them in my back pocket...

        “Right next to the polar-bear exhibit stood what appeared to be a stuffed life-size polar bear. I walked right up next to it to see how tall I stood next to one. Suddenly, the bear moved slightly, and I realized this bear wasn't a phony...

        “Before I could do anything, the bear picked me up and tossed me to the ground on its side of the rail. A crowd of people gathered (and) I was totally confused on why no one was coming to help me.” Then I heard one person say, “This must be part of the big act ... A person in a polar-bear suit and an onlooker stage a little encounter.'

        “Feeling more relaxed ... I started grabbing the bear by the leg and getting into the action. The crowd loved it and started cheering. The guy playing the part of the polar bear was ... very lifelike.

        “All of a sudden, the entire crowd gasped. I saw a man standing in a polar-bear suit sipping a Slurpee and holding the head of the polar bear costume under his arm. Pandemonium broke out among the crowd as they realized as I did that this polar bear was the real deal. I quickly turned my attention back to the polar bear to notice it was getting ready to seriously pounce me. The bear rose up and was beginning to come down for the kill...

        “I quickly pulled the brochures out of my pocket and...when the polar bear was close enough, I strategically placed the countless brochures into the bear's powerful jaws...The bear was distracted by its new problem and scampered away, leaving me a chance to get up and get out of the exhibit area with life and limbs still intact.

        “So the moral of the story is, "Don't get too upset when you are handed tons of brochures, pamphlets and booklets, because you never know when they could save your life.' ”

— Mike Weber, Green Township

What to do

        OK, you may have thought you could fool us, but we know that whole scenario was fictional.

        However, the Survival Handbook really does have advice on “How to Escape from a Bear” should you ever encounter one in the wild.

        “If the bear attacks, strike back with anything you can. Go for the bear's eyes or its snout ... Do not climb a tree to escape a bear.”

        If you see a bear, but it has not attacked, “Make your presence known by talking loudly, clapping, singing or occasionally calling out. Some people prefer to wear bells.”

        (The book does not mention brochures or other reading material.)

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