By Jim Knippenberg
The Cincinnati Enquirer

Admit it now: You swore you'd never wait until the last minute again and now, here it is almost Halloween and you still don't know what you're going to be for the party.

Tempo knew it was going to happen, so we asked some top designers to dream up easy, do-it-yourself costumes you can do at home with minimal time and expense.

Oh, we also asked them to make the costumes play off people who have been in the news the past year. Just so everyone will know at first glance who you are.

(Steven M. Herppich photos) | ZOOM |

Martha in chains

Louise Hannah of Bethel models a Sing-Sing-appropriate Martha Stewart costume.

Designers: Becky Stone of Westwood and Cara Hannah-Frye of New Richmond, both on staff at the Cincinnati Playhouse in the Park costume department.

Becky Stone and Cara Hannah-Frye | ZOOM |

Materials needed: Khaki pants and oversized denim shirt with a prison number stenciled on; ditto the apron. Add a large basket full of crafts items, gloves, paperwork (you can create fake stock certificates on your computer) and a copy of Martha Stewart Living. Handcuffs are a must.

How to: That's easy: Just assemble it.

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J. Lo gone to seed

Janet Albright, Erlanger, models a Jennifer Lopez ensemble good enough for the MTV Music Awards.

Designer: Mark Adams, Northside, visual director for Saks Fifth Avenue (he does the windows and inside displays).

Adams

Materials needed: Lots of attitude, lots of skin - a crop top two sizes too small; low-slung pants also too small; painter's cap with glitter sprayed on. Add bad straight hair and a large plastic butt and you're good to go.

How to: Shop at Target for the clothes, Cappel's for accessories and wig. Then just assemble. Just remember: Tacky and tight.

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The Osbournes

Caitlin Poplasky and Lynn Osinsky, both of Clifton, get duded up as Ozzy and Kelly Osbourne in their "evening vear."

Designers: The Misses Poplasky and Osinsky, both fashion design students at UC's College of Design, Architecture, Art and Planning.

Caitlin Poplasky and Lynn Osinsky | ZOOM |

Materials needed:

(Ozzy): Unkempt black wig, black pants, black shirt, leather jacket, black clodhoppers, iron cross necklace and, of course, "Ozzy" written across the knuckles in black.

(Kelly): Wild wig - usually pink-ish, but Halloween being so festive and all, you can go with glitter; sleazy boots; black top and dress that shows lots of leg. A bit of ghoulish makeup doesn't hurt, say something dark around the eyes, and darker than usual lipstick.

How to do it (both): Just assemble the pieces. If you're doing Kelly, remember, you're the daughter of a guy who eats bats; if you're doing Ozzy, remember to look "rode hard and put away wet."

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Anna Nicole's tight fit

Angela Laible, Covington, director of promotions and publications for Ensemble Theatre of Cincinnati, waddles out as Anna Nicole Smith.

Designer: Ms. Laible.

Laible

Materials needed: Two sofa pillows, fake eyelashes, blue eye shadow, three bras, red lipstick and liner, liquid black eye liner, towels, scarves, halter top, trashy slacks, duct tape and three sets of, er, falsies.

How to do it: Wrap three or so scarves around the belly and secure with duct tape. Put on a halter top and stuff with hand towels. Put three bras over that and stuff one with the falsies. Add trashy - and too tight -T-shirt. Now, tape the two pillows together and insert in back of pants, extending around to the thighs. Put on black stretch pants and stuff more towels down the front. Apply makeup and don't be stingy. Finally, add as much costume jewelry as your body can support without toppling over.

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Pee-Wee Herman

Todd Reibold, Clifton, goes retro with a Pee-Wee Herman outfit good enough to wear to the movies, if you get our drift.

Herman is having a bit of a renaissance, thanks to sales of the Pee-Wee Bobblehead (more than a million this year).

Designer: Mr. Reibold.

Reibold

Materials needed: Red bow tie, thrift shop gray suit - preferably ill-fitting - white shirt and shoes. A tape recorder playing "Tequila" is a nice touch as well.

How to: Another easy one: Just get dressed. The only difficult part is the facial expression. Practice your vacuous grin in front of the bathroom mirror (we recommend locking the door) until you get it down.