By Ryan Ernst
The Cincinnati Enquirer

Cincinnati Mighty Duck players Chris O'Sullivan and Travis Brigley skate amongst teddy bears that were thrown to the ice by fans after the first goal against Hershey Friday. The bears were gathered and given to charity. (Mike Simons photo) | ZOOM |

Run from your relatives. Win a Harley-Davidson. Chuck a duck.

No, these aren't subliminal messages heard when playing a pop record backward; they're promotional stunts.

Welcome to minor-league hockey in Cincinnati.

Ilja Bryzgalov bobblehead dolls, those foam puck-head hats, "melt-the-ice" bikini contests, "guaranteed" wins and the all-too-real possibility of fisticuffs? Count me in.

As a public service to casual hockey fans in the area who might be looking for a cheap date or a family night out, I decided to attend both a Cincinnati Cyclones game and a Cincinnati Mighty Ducks game. No press box for me, however. I sat in the stands, drank beer, ate concession-stand food and just soaked it all in.

Nov. 6 - Toledo 4, Cyclones 3 (SO)

We arrived five minutes before the puck hit the ice and were able to find free parking at the public landing. He shoots; he scores.

I don't mind paying $17 for a ticket if I get to sit in the front row, especially at U.S. Bank Arena, where front row means right against the boards. But the kid who sat a few seats away paid $9 and just walked on down.

Nothing gets me fired up like hearing AC/DC's "Thunderstruck," before any kind of sporting event, but with only a couple hundred in attendance, it's almost depressing.

The seats in U.S. Bank Arena are incredibly comfortable and the beer vendors are Johnny on the Spot with the 12-ounce plastic bottles for $5.25. But I would recommend hitting the concession stands for all your malt-and-hops needs. The beers (Budweiser and Bud Light) are not only draft, but they are twice the size of the bottles for the same price. The beer is also colder at the concession stand. For all you heavyweights, they stop serving halfway through the third period.

The group of die-hard Cyclones fans behind the east goal is almost as entertaining as the on-ice action. Their favorite word is "suck," which they use in a variety of ways. Their second-favorite word rhymes with their favorite.

Despite the antics of some fans, the atmosphere was child-friendly. The team's mascot, Twister, is popular with the kids, and one little guy next to me got a puck from an on-ice worker during the first intermission.

The game featured no promotional giveaways, but there were two contests during the first and second intermissions. The first featured three women racing to set a table the fastest. The winner received free dinnerware.

The second contest involved a bull's-eye at center ice and a hundred or so pucks thrown from the crowd to see who could get closest. At stake: an autographed jersey.

Don't all these antics take away from the hockey?

"Not at all," Cyclones coach Malcom Cameron said. "They should do it more in the NHL. It adds to the value of the ticket. Instead of just a hockey game, patrons are getting a night out."

'Clones promotions span everything from trips giveaways ("Run From Your Relatives Night") to free tickets ("Guaranteed Win Night").

I, however, got no free tickets. The entire night, for myself and a date, cost about $60 for tickets, beers and pizza. On a return trip, I easily could shave off $25-$30 by buying only draft beer and using the cheap-seat-sneak-down method. Live and learn.

Nov. 9 - Ducks 3, Cleveland 0

Two words: free parking. And right across the street.

My buddy and I bought two $15 tickets, then got $3 off using our old college IDs. If we could pass for kids, we would have gotten in for $7.

Some people like the nostalgia of Cincinnati Gardens and the mini-Maple Leaf Gardens feel. I could appreciate the atmosphere. My back, however, didn't appreciate the wooden seats.

But to a hockey purist like Mighty Ducks coach Brad Shaw, the discomfort is well worth it.

"The Gardens is a great place to watch hockey," Shaw said. "When the crowd gets going, it just echoes throughout the place."

I doubt it was because of the arena, but the Ducks game definitely felt like a higher grade of hockey than the East Coast Hockey League Cyclones. That's because the American Hockey League is one step below the NHL, and it's obvious. There were more people in the stands, and the players are bigger, faster and more skilled.

And as for the beer: The concession stands sell 16-ounce drafts for $4. It's Budweiser, Bud Light and, oh yes, LaBatt. Now this is a hockey game.

They also sell wine coolers and little bottles of wine. I was going to ask the price, but there were people around. A hockey game isn't exactly someplace a guy should be asking how much wine coolers cost.

At the first intermission, a crew of workers rolled out a motley collection of huge carpet squares to center ice. That's right: Dance teams have invaded even hockey - bare midriffs and all.

And then there were the promotions. Buster the Mighty Duck, the team's mascot, served as master of ceremonies during a number of activities. There was "Chuck a Duck" - the rubber-ducky cousin of the Cyclones' second-intermission contest. There also was a pizza giveaway, a T-shirt-shooting slingshot, and a puck-shooting accuracy contest worth up to $30,000.

Toward the end of the game, my buddy and I decided to partake in Gardens cuisine. The concession stands made last call at the beginning of the third period, aiding that decision. I highly recommend the Italian sausage ($4) and a serving of Dip 'n Dots ($3.50), a bowl that looks full of Styrofoam pellets but tastes like ice cream. It feels like you're eating something the astronauts would. Very cool.

Fake ice cream and all, I spent about $28 at the game. Not bad. And maybe next time I'll get a shot at the 30 grand.

E-mail rernst@enquirer.com

	Cyclones	Mighty Ducks
League	ECHL	AHL
Home	U.S. Bank Arena	Cincinnati Gardens
Seating capacity	12,056	10,326
Ticket prices	$9, $15, $17	$7 (kids), $10, $12, $15
NHL affiliation	San Jose Sharks	Mighty Ducks of Anaheim
First season	1990-91	1997-98
Alumni who have played in NHL	4	51
Owner	Phil Esposito	Gerry Robinson
Notable promotions	"Hillbilly Night," "That 70s Night"	"Salute to Duct Tape Night," "Ilja Bryzgalov Bobblehead Night"