By Margaret A. McGurk
The Cincinnati Enquirer

Something for everyone is the watchword of the holiday movie season. But which something is right for which watchers?

To find your personal best bets for the year-end rush, just pick your movie-fan profile from our cheeky choices. (Release dates are tentative. "Jan." refers to 2002 movies that aren't scheduled to arrive in Cincinnati until January.)

Pagers on stun

Motto: If it ain't sci, it ain't fi. Hobby: Deconstructing The Matrix. Core belief: Harry Knowles is a poser.

Solaris - George Clooney looks to notch up his acting chops in Steven Soderbergh's version of a famous Stanislaw Lem story about life, death and space travel. Likely to differ substantially from the 1972 cult-favorite Russian version by Andrei Tarkovsky. Nov. 27.

Equilibrium - Christian Bale, Emily Watson and Taye Diggs star in a futuristic fantasy based on Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451. Dec. 6.

Star Trek Nemesis - Picard and the Enterprise crew (minus Will Wheaton's Wesley Crusher) return to put a hurt on Romulans who aim to blow up Earth. Keep an eye out for Kathryn Janeway (Kate Mulgrew). Dec. 13.

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers - Based on its superb trailers, the second part of the J.R.R. Tolkien trilogy could be better than the first, if that's possible. Dec. 18.

Isn't it romantic?

Hobby: Crying at weddings. Movie routine: Mentally catalogs leading lady's outfits. Holiday custom: Halloween equals fishnet stockings.

Maid in Manhattan - J. Lo does Pretty Woman minus the felonies as a maid mistaken for a socialite by a suave politician (Ralph Fiennes). Dec. 13.

Two Weeks Notice - Sandra Bullock battles fetchingly with boorish boss Hugh Grant. Dec. 20.

Chicago - Singing, dancing, murder, sexy clothes - Catherine Zeta Jones and Renee Zellweger do the Broadway thing on screen. Jan.

Cinemania

Hobby: Betting on Oscar races. Stress response: Get me to the movies! Asking Santa for: Sight & Sound subscription.

Far From Heaven - Todd Haynes channels Douglas Sirk's All That Heaven Allows through Julianne Moore, Dennis Quaid and Dennis Haysbert. Nov. 22.

Standing In The Shadows of Motown - Delicious musical documentary about the overlooked house band that played on more hits than Elvis and the Beatles combined. Nov. 27.

Gangs of New York - Martin Scorsese's epic about the violent history of early New York finally makes it to the screen. Leonardo DiCaprio, Daniel Day Lewis and Cameron Diaz star. Dec. 20.

Catch Me If You Can - Leonardo DiCaprio dons a warehouse worth of disguises as a young impostor eluding FBI man Tom Hanks. Steven Spielberg directs. Dec. 25.

25th Hour - Spike Lee directs Edward Norton (and Barry Pepper and Philip Seymour Hoffman and Anna Paquin and Rosaria Dawson and Brian Cox and how's that for a killer cast?) in a tale about a young man whose life has gone horribly wrong. Jan.

About Schmidt - Jack Nicholson plays a 60-something retiree who takes off on a journey to figure out his life's disappointments. Alexander Payne (Election) directs. Jan.

Dude, that's funny

Turn-ons: Bodily functions, groin injuries. Turn-offs: Long words. Fantasy camp: Clown college.

Friday After Next - The famous Friday team of Craig (Ice Cube) and Day-Day (Mike Epps) take jobs as security guards after their Christmas swag is stolen by a fake Santa. Nov. 22.

Eight Crazy Nights - An animated Adam Sandler salutes Hanukah as a wild guy who catches the holiday spirit when he's sentenced to community service. P.S. It's a musical. Nov. 27.

Analyze That - Gangster Robert De Niro gets out of the slammer and moves in on his Analyze This pals Billy Crystal and Lisa Kudrow. Hilarity and gunfire ensue. Dec. 6

The Hot Chick - Rob Schneider's body is possessed by the spirit of a mean teenage girl. We're not making this up. Dec. 13.

High expectations

Treat: Decaf Cappuccino. Fabric: tweed. Beach reading: The New Yorker. Guilty pleasure: Jeopardy

The Emperor's Club - Kevin Kline upholds lofty values as a teacher of privileged preppies. Nov. 22.

Adaptation - Being John Malkovich screenwriter Charlie Kaufman and director Spike Jonze team again for what can only be a weird flick about Mr. Kaufman's failed attempt to adapt Susan Orleans' best seller The Orchid Thief. Nicolas Cage plays both Mr. Kaufman and his twin. Dec. 6.

Antwone Fisher - Denzel Washington's directing debut showcases newcomer Derek Luke in an impressive performance as a troubled young sailor struggling to overcome an abusive past. Dec. 20.

Pinocchio - Roberto Benigni (Life Is Beautiful) re-creates Italy's beloved fairy tale as a live-action fantasy. Dec. 25.

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind - The ever-eccentric writer Charlie Kaufman (see Adaptation above) adapted Gong Show host Chuck Barris' even more eccentric autobiography (he claims he was a secret CIA assassin). Sam Rockwell stars. George Clooney, of all people, directs. Jan.

What holidays?

Favorite public event: Building implosions. Stress reliever: Bonfires. Best birthday present: Bottle rockets.

Die Another Day - Pierce Brosnan returns as Bond, James Bond, to save the world from another madman and get all soignČe and debonair with another bundle of beauties, including Halle Berry. Nov. 22.

Extreme Ops - Extreme athletes on the run from a Serbian war criminal catch big air on skis, snowboards, parachutes, rafts, helicopters and motorcycles. Rufus Sewell (Dark City) stars. Nov. 22.

They - Good-looking young people freak out when their imaginary childhood bogeymen start showing up in real life. Nov. 27.

Generation next

Favorite lunch: Gummi Bears. Favorite sport: T-ball. Favorite time of day: Recess

Treasure Planet - Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island gets a high-tech makeover, and relocates to outer space, where interplanetary boats sail on solar winds. To be released simultaneously in regular and Imax versions. Nov. 27.

The Wild Thornberrys - The funny folks behind Rugrats send another TV-series family on a high-energy adventure, in this case to Africa to save endangered animals. Dec. 20.

Lion King Imax - You know it, you love it, you've watched it on video 8,000 times. Just wait till you get a load of what it looks like eight stories tall. Dec. 25.

E-mail mmcgurk@enquirer.com