Mike Lopresti
Gannett News Service

ANN ARBOR, Mich. - Warning: The quotes that follow are so sugary, they might be too rich for some diets.

This being Ohio State week, we came to Michigan to hear malice, and discovered the game plan apparently is to sweet-talk the Buckeyes to death.

It seemed a perfect time for the Wolverines to conduct a little chatter. There is chocolate cake on the table. The chance to yank the Fiesta Bowl and national title out from under the feet of the Buckeyes, to break their hearts and ruin their season in front of the scarlet, not to mention the gray.

Could anything this side of a Victoria's Secret catalogue appeal more to a Michigan man?

"That's another one of those spoiler questions," said Wolverines quarterback John Navarre, in the same tone of voice he would use if a skunk were in the garage. "We're focusing on what we accomplish, not on what they don't accomplish."

But ...

"We're trying to win this game. We're not trying to spoil anything for them," said tight end Bennie Joppru.

But ...

"We're playing for our season. We're not worried about how they feel," said tackle Tony Pape.

But ...

"We have our own goals," said receiver Ronald Bellamy.

(Oh, to be in a room full of Miami Hurricanes during Florida State week. The 'Canes would never allow dead air)

They don't make bulletin-board material they way they used to in this border war.

There have been guarantees of victory in the past - Jim Harbaugh for Michigan, Terry Glenn for Ohio State.

There was the immortal press conference where Walter Smith suddenly blurted out that Michigan wanted to beat Ohio State so often, it'd get John Cooper fired. Which it did.

There was the legendary question to Woody Hayes in 1968 after the Buckeyes mashed the Wolverines 50-14. Why go for a two-point PAT late in such a rout? Hayes supposedly answered, "Because I couldn't go for three."

But Michigan served up cheesecake Monday, partly because the 9-2 Wolverines probably figure the spoiler's role, especially against the Buckeyes, isn't befitting a national power. Minnesota is a spoiler.

"We know what to say," Michigan linebacker Victor Hobson mentioned, "and what not to say."

So the bulletin board in Columbus might as well be used for choir practice announcements.

But in any rivalry worth its venom, if one team can destroy the other team's dream, it giggles all winter.

Would Auburn relish putting a knife to Alabama's No. 1 hopes? Does Navy live to see Army depressed?

The Wolverines might not like the word "spoiler." But it's not bad work if you can get it.

Lloyd Carr's players have been so careful in their responses, you get the idea he's had computer chips installed in their necks. But he has been around long enough to feel the fire of this rivalry.

"You can't buy tradition, and Ohio State-Michigan has it," he said. Presumably, that includes the time a Columbus grandmother flipped him the finger on the way to Ohio Stadium.

"When you go to bed, you're thinking about it. When you wake up, you're thinking about it. When you eat, you're thinking about it. For seven days it's a consuming thing. Because on that day, you look across the field and see a team that wants this game as much as you do."

In the end, maybe the Wolverines don't have time to talk about what Saturday might do to the Buckeyes. They're thinking about what Saturday might do to Michigan.