By Mike Ball
Cincinnati Enquirer Page Two staff

Top five

1. The Game. The Iron Bowl. The Old Oaken Bucket. The Apple Cup. The Civil War. The Ax. Saturday was strong. Man, we can't wait for Army-Navy.

2. Corey Dillon. No, not because he's a great running back. Why not trade the guy? Get three draft picks. Will the Bengals mess up the picks? Maybe. But the more picks they get, the better chance they have to stumble into some better players. Really, what good is Dillon doing now? (Aside from the occasional unplanned sideline confrontation, of course).

3. Steelers fans. Enjoy the game today without having to make that 4 1/2 hour drive to Paul Brown.

4. Bill Walton and Charles Barkley. If it's not Walton criticizing the retched play in the NBA, it's Barkley having to - um - pay up on a bet. These guysactually make the National Brickball Association tolerable.

5. Charlie Coles. We love the man. Now why did Sports Illustrated have to go and write a nice piece on him and jinx his team?

Bottom five

1. The Cubs. They haven't won since, well, way before Jesse Orosco was born, for crying out loud. They lost 95 games last year. So, of course, they're raising ticket prices for the third straight season. Some by as much as 25 percent. Nice.

2. Major League Baseball Players Association. Sure, the players think the Expos playing some home games in Puerto Rico is a swell thing. It will have to be negotiated, of course. And a report said - and we're not making this up - they're going negotiate to get more MEAL MONEY.

3. Imploding Cinergy Field. Seems you can buy a ticket and win a contest to press the button and blow up the joint. It's a nice twist on buying a Reds or Bengals ticket and watching them implode.

4. The Blazers. Rasheed Wallace and Damon Stoudamire were cited for misdemeanor possession of marijuana. Imagine. NBA players smoking pot.

5. College football hazing. Another week, another incident in which football players are suspended for the practice. This time? Players from Methodist College. Yikes!