To understand taxes in Ohio versus Kentucky, follow these steps:

1. Drink heavily.

2. Read something by Kafka.

3. Remind yourself that Ohio's "millage rate" has nothing to do with lumber production.

4. Remind yourself that whenever a tax is forbidden by state law, it will be called a "license fee" instead.

5. Prepare to get mad.

In Ohio, some people pay city income taxes twice - once where they work and once where they live. Others pay only once.

In Northern Kentucky, even piddly volunteer fire departments levy property taxes. If nobody complains, these could easily exceed legal limits.

"There's very little supervision or oversight on these things," says Kenton County Clerk Bill Aylor, who gets a headache just thinking about Kentucky's tax system. "The whole thing needs to be revised, top to bottom."

6. Whatever you do, don't console yourself by growing marijuana. Kentucky taxes it.

Property taxes

I got into this mess, thanks to reader Larry Braden of Florence, who took issue with a recent column touting Kentucky over Ohio as a better place to live. While it's true property taxes are lower here, Kentucky finds other ways to gouge us, he says.

I took a closer look. First revelation: Even the bureaucrats behind our taxes barely understand them.

There are so many caveats that most comparisons focus on only one tax, rather than all of them together.

This is misleading. Kentucky property taxes are lower, for instance, but income taxes are higher.

Let's say you live in Independence, a growing suburban community in Kenton County. You'll pay about $1,674 in taxes on a $150,000 house and about $230 on a $16,000 car.

This compares to about $2,347 for a $150,000 house in Fairfield, Ohio.

Ohio doesn't have a car tax.

Income taxes

Now let's say our Fairfield resident works in Cincinnati and has taxable income of $50,000 a year. He'll pay about $1,857 in income taxes to the state, plus $1,050 to the city.

(Cincinnati's income tax is among the highest in Ohio at 2.1 percent.)

In Kentucky, the Constitution forbids cities and counties from taxing income, so they call it an "occupational license fee" instead.

Covington's rate of 2.5 percent is Northern Kentucky's highest. If you work there and have taxable income of $50,000, you'll pay about $2,800 to the state, $1,250 to the city and $200 to Kenton County.

Then there are the caveats. For example: Kiplinger.com recently ranked Kentucky the third-best state in which to retire, partly because it doesn't tax retirement income.

Ohio ranked 27th.

My advice: Don't pick either state based on taxes. Instead, focus on other factors such as schools, traffic congestion and the amount of home you can get for your money.

Then beg your legislator to fix the tax system. It's inefficient and unfair on both sides of the river.

E-mail kgutierrez@enquirer.com or (859) 578-5584.