By Jim Knippenberg
The Cincinnati Enquirer

It's life as Santa's Helpers know it: They talk so much their voices creak and croak. They suck in massive whiffs of kiddie germs. They dodge flailing arms and kicking feet even as they suffer leg-cramps and squirm through achy-breaky bladders after five hours on the velvet throne.

But they wouldn't consider dumping the job, not even for new ermine lined boots.

Santa's Helpers are the men and women who spend the holidays in red velvet suits (hot in there? Don't even ask) listening to the good girls and boys spill out their Christmas wishes.

They see about 10,000 children per season - 37 days for most of them this year - and have been at it for years. Which means they've seen it all and heard it all. Don't believe it? Just ask them . . .

Tri-County Mall

Name: Stan Rogers, 64, Southern Michigan

Years as Santa's helper: Five, three in his current location

Day job: Nuclear engineering technician (full-time) and part-time Santa recruiter for IPI, a firm that supplies 200 malls with Santa Helpers.

Factoid: The beard's real, the belly's real and he owns three Santa suits in case one of the children gets, uh, messy.

Strangest request: "A little boy, four or five, began by asking for a desk. Then a typewriter. Then a printer, pencils, paper and a telephone. I looked at his mom and she said, `He's setting up a home office.' "

Strangest thing a child has said to me: "Four-year-old twins who repeated something mommie said but shouldn't have. After the shock wore off, mommie and I had a good laugh."

One request you'd really LOVE to grant: "I guess that would be either `Can you make my grandma better?' or `Can you get my daddy home for Christmas?' I step lightly around the daddy issue because you never know if they're in the service, jail or what. But with grandma, I tell them only God can do that, but I'll pray for her."

The best part of this job: "Watching a child change from being terrified of me to loving me. It's what keeps me in this chair, seeing them conquer their fears."

The worst part of this job: "It's when a parent puts a child on my lap who doesn't want to be there and I have to hold on to them for their own safety they start squirming so wildly. I've had a few real scrappers."

Tower Place Mall

Name: Joseph Gyarmati, 59, Goshen

Years as Santa's helper: Eight, three in his current location.

Joseph Gyarmati at Tower Place Mall Glenn Hartong photo) | ZOOM |

Day job: Carton maker at Senco products.

Factoid: He gets tons of downtown office workers coming in for staff pictures with him. Oh, and he has already spent a full 10-hour shift on the throne without a, er, potty break.

Strangest request: "I guess that would be for the Bengals. Not a winning team, a whole new team."

Strangest thing a child has said to you: "A 4-year-old girl said she wanted a baby brother and she was adamant about it. I told her I'd talk to her parents. The next day she came back with her dad and handed me a huge lollipop. I asked her dad and he said it was because her mom had a baby boy the night before. I still have the lollipop."

One request you'd really LOVE to grant: "To help the homeless. We get so many of them in here, especially on the colder days, in torn clothes, some with bags on their feet. They know I'll always give them a handful of candy canes."

The worst part of this job: "Poor children who already know they're not going to get anything for Christmas. If I had the means, I'd give each of them an envelope full of money."

Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden

Name: Barb Hennard, a.k.a. Mrs. Claus, age unknown ("Over 50, is that good enough?"), Colerain Township

Years as Santa's helper: First year as Mrs. Claus; was a Festival of Lights elf last year.

Day job: Program assistant in family nutrition, Ohio State University Extension Service.

Factoid: She's a volunteer, as is the Zoo's Santa, but the two have never met. "Never met my husband. But my elves have. I'm in Mrs. Claus' kitchen all night, handing out cookies."

Strangest request this year: "It's been pretty much the usual - Barbie dolls, trucks, trains - but every now and then one of them will ask me to help Santa with his weight problem or to not let him watch too much Sunday football."

Strangest thing a child has said to you: "That was the little one who was worried sick that I didn't have a dishwasher in Mrs. Claus' kitchen. Inspected every inch of it and got very concerned."

One request you'd really LOVE to grant: "I'm just getting requests for toys."

The best part of this job: "Seeing the children and their smiles. And hugs. I get a lot of hugs from children who are afraid of Santa but aren't afraid of me because I look like everybody's grandmother. It's the naturally white hair."

The worst part of this job: "There is none. It relaxes me totally."

Rookwood Commons and Pavilion

Name: Bill Montgomery, 63, Lebanon

Years as Santa's helper: Five as a professional, too many to remember before that as an amateur.

Bill Montgomery (Craig Ruttle photo)

Day job: Retired deputy, Warren County Sheriff's Department.

Factoid: He looks so much like the classic Santa that children stop him year 'round in stores and restaurants. It happens so often that he carries 4-by-6-inch pictures of himself as Santa and gives them to the kids. With an autograph.

Strangest request this year: "I've been doing two shows a day at La Comedia Dinner Theater all December and we get a lot of senior citizens. I'm forever having them come up and asking for a husband."

Strangest thing a child has said to you: "It's not strange, but it's unusual. A little girl, maybe 4, said, `You know, I really like giving gifts more than getting them.'"

One request you'd really LOVE to grant: "That was a little girl, and the only thing she wanted was to know if I could help her mommie get off drugs. She was there with her grandparents, and I told her to keep loving her mom and to pray for her, and I and the elves would do the same."

The best part of this job: "Getting to talk to so many children and senior citizens. And I love getting stopped when I'm not in my costume.

The worst part of this job: Probably trying to find time to talk to everyone who wants to talk to you.

E-mail jknippenberg@enquirer.com