If Santa Claus ever gets tired of breathing reindeer exhaust and retires, some Hamilton County commissioners should apply for the job. They just love to give stuff away.

They gave the shirt off our backs to the Bengals. A few weeks ago, they gave away nearly $5 million, including programs they hardly discussed.

And look at what they gave to County Administrator David Krings on Dec. 30: Fireproof shorts and a new perk-o-later that will fill his cup with Starbucks Grande benefits.

In an executive session, Todd Portune, John Dowlin and lame duck Tom Neyer teamed up to make a king out of Mr. Krings.

Mercedes class

They increased his monthly auto allowance, from $500 a month (Cadillac class) to $637 (Mercedes class). The county also classified it as income, which boosts retirement benefits. His base salary, minus that perk and other benefits, is $179,636.

The county also will pay Mr. Krings' share of his retirement contributions (about 8.5 percent of salary) on top of their contributions (15 percent of base salary). That's like having a great 401(k) that ups your contribution - and pays it for you, too.

And they made it almost impossible to fire Mr. Krings - or even talk about it. The new severance deal provides 18 months of full salary and health benefits, then adds another month for each year on the job. Mr. Krings, hired in 1992, now is entitled to 29 months of severance pay.

And it can be invoked by Mr. Krings if county commissioners even discuss removing him. The new contract says that if "any members of the board" suggest that Mr. Krings should resign, he can deem himself "terminated."

A sneaky deal

That's a perk-o-later fit for Enron.

"Good contracts in the business world contain incentive clauses," said new Commissioner Phil Heimlich, who was kept in the dark about the deal. "This deal contains disincentive clauses. It says if he is fired for breaching his contract or for negligence, he still gets the benefits. If I even suggest he should resign, then he can deem himself terminated and collect the goodies. In other words, this contract removes all trace of accountability."

Mr. Heimlich thinks the don't-mess-with-Dave deal is intended to muzzle his criticism of Mr. Krings.

County Auditor Dusty Rhodes called it "sneaky." "I just think it sends completely the wrong message at a time when everyone else is cutting back. It's way over the top. They have sought to encumber any future board by making it incredibly expensive to get rid of the guy."

Both said reviews of Mr. Krings' performance have been "mixed," citing the Bengals stadium deal and cost overruns.

Mr. Krings said the county is just trying to keep him happy and criticism is not muzzled. "I think the opportunity for a free exchange is still there."

He got a great deal. He's a nice guy.

But when it comes to being really nice, his bosses are generous enough to put Santa out of business - with other people's money.

E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 768-8301.