Gov. Bob Tax, er, I mean Taft, is thinking small again. He thinks he can patch a $720 million budget blowout with cigarette butts and bottle caps. That's right, he has the politicians' favorite addiction: "sin taxes'' on smokers and drinkers.

It won't work. Even if we raise taxes another dollar on each pack of cigarettes and each bottle of beer, every resident of Ohio would have to smoke 65 packs of cigarettes or drink 65 beers to raise $720 million. Men, women and children. I suppose it's possible, but it might be a big setback for the governor's Ohio Reads program if all those grade-schoolers have to take beer and cigarette breaks at school.

Another #%$& tax

And why pick on smokers and drinkers? Between Mothers Against Drinking ANYTHING and the anti-smoking police, they get enough grief.

Let's at least target other annoying bad habits:

How about a tax on profanity? A 25-cent tax on cursing could raise millions if applied fairly to movies, comedy clubs, newsrooms and certain college coaches. I know this works because I can raise enough for a new car just by putting a quarter in the curse jar every time I swear at my home computer. Heck (only 10 cents), we could close the entire budget gap if we could get Eminem to move to Toledo.

I suggest a $500 tax on people who can't drive in snow. Add another $250 if they hold up traffic by snailing in the speed lane in a four-wheel-drive SUV. This might not balance the budget, but it could save a lot more lives than a tax on smokers.

Why not tax protests, to make boycotters and anti-war protesters pay for their damage, lies and annoyance? Of course, such a tax would lead to anti-protest-tax protests - giving us more protests to tax. It's the next best thing to taxing taxes three times, but I think the IRS already does that.

And let's impose a heavy tax on poor leadership. Cincinnati alone could bail out the state, and Columbus would be a jackpot.

Let's start with the governor, who delayed all the tough budget decisions for a year so he could run for re-election - without a word about a $4 billion hole in the next budget.

Then let's tax the filibuster out of all the lawmakers who spent our money like a Lotto winner on a 40-ounce toot.

Hey, big spenders

The conservative Buckeye Institute says Ohio spent money faster than 43 other states in the 1990s, more than doubling state spending.

"If they had simply grown at inflation or inflation plus a little bit more, we'd be the only state with a surplus,'' said Buckeye spokesman Robert Lawson, a professor of economics at Capitol University in Columbus.

He says Ohio can grow its way out of the sinkhole - if we curb spending. "This administration has not seriously looked at the spending side,'' he said. "If we cut spending to what it was five years ago, we still had roads, we still had a state. We won't starve to death.''

Instead, income tax or sales tax increases are coming soon to a state you live in. "Tax increases cut the take-home pay of 11 million Ohio people,'' Mr. Lawson said. "What they're saying is: `What we want to spend is more important than what you want to spend it on.' ''

I guess that means we already pay a stiff tax on poor leadership.

E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 768-8301.