Targets just don't get any easier than this. Shooting holes in the pompous hypocrisies of Michael Moore is like plunking a manatee in a kiddie pool. Just look for the one squeezed into faded Levis and a cheap snap-adjustable baseball cap.

Anyone who heard Moore at the Oscars Sunday night knows it's no coincidence that his picture is on the cover of his book, Stupid White Men.

Like a lot of far-left, anti-war celebrities who mock the president's intellect, Moore is a college dropout.

That doesn't make him a moron. Lots of smart and successful people did not finish college. But most know it would be stupid to throw rocks from a glass mansion.

Fictitious movie

Not Moore. His rant tacked a verbal "Kick Me'' sign on his own back.

"We live in the time where we have fictitious election results that elect a fictitious president," he said. "We live in a time where we have a man who's sending us to war for fictitious reasons, whether it's the fiction of duct tape or the fiction of orange alerts."

Moore should be an expert on fiction. His Academy Award-winning anti-gun documentary, Bowling for Columbine, should have been in the category of "fantasy and science fiction.''

• The movie blames Michigan's welfare laws for the shooting death of a child. "Moore doesn't mention that mom had sent the boy to live in a house where her brother and a friend kept drugs and guns," Forbes reported.

• Moore rips Charlton Heston for a gun rally too close to 9-11. The "rally'' was the NRA's annual meeting.

• In another scene, Moore walks into a bank in Northern Michigan to open an account and get a "free gun." He fills out some paperwork and walks out with a rifle.

Fictitious. The guns are not free. None are kept at the bank. And it takes two weeks to get one.

• Moore apparently doctored tape of a 1988 political ad, in order to trash the Bush-Quayle campaign. He added "Willie Horton released. Then kills again." The original ad never mentioned Horton, who committed a rape, not murder, on his prison furlough.

• Moore claims the U.S. gave $245 million to the Taliban in 2000 and 2001. Fictitious again. The money was from the United Nations, not the U.S., for humanitarian relief, not the Taliban.

• Moore implies that the Columbine killers were warped because "weapons of mass destruction" are made at a Lockheed plant in Littleton, Colo. Fictitious. The plant makes satellite rockets.

Gutter ball

• Even the Bowling for Columbine title is fictitious. Moore claims the Columbine shooters went to a bowling class on the day of the killings. Police say they skipped that day.

I found this and more of Moore's distortions in Forbes and on Web sites such as Instapundit.com and Moorewatch.com.

The Hollywood crowd actually booed Moore for acting badly, which is saying a lot by Oscars standards. But he does deserve an Academy Award - for best portrayal of an antiwar hypocrite.

E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 768-8301.