Well, drop kick me, Jesus, the Presbyterians punted. On first down.

For 10 years, they have pretended to ignore the rowdy crowd in the back pews that threw gay marriages at the pulpit.

Presbyterians don't call themselves the "frozen chosen'' for nothing.

But finally, the church leaders screwed up their courage to confront Mount Auburn Presbyterian Church and Pastor Stephen Van Kuiken, who ordains gays and performs homosexual marriages that are prohibited by church laws and rejected by Presbyterian congregations nationwide.

Thou shalt whatever

They found Van Kuiken guilty and sentenced him to a timid scolding. If he doesn't stop it, they might think about getting around to doing something. Maybe.

"And Moses cameth down from the mountaintop with the 10 Suggestions ...''

Even Van Kuiken said the soggy-toast reprimand resolved nothing.

As a former Presbyterian, I believe Mount Auburn has a right to challenge the rules. But church leaders have a duty to defend the rules on behalf of the majority. Instead, they punted - and the Presbyterian Church will probably keep on shrinking like a plucked grape in a raisin factory.

The church of conscientious objectors in the culture wars.

Rep. Bill Seitz, R-Green Township, is a Presbyterian and he doesn't want the state to get bullied like the church.

He sponsored the Defense of Marriage Act last year. It passed the House by two-thirds - then was blocked by Senate President Dick Finan, Seitz said. "He thought it was not necessary.''

Seitz has no doubts that it's necessary. Without it, he says, Ohio will be forced to accept gay marriages that are legal in Vermont. "Absent a strong statement of public policy, the courts say we must give full faith and credit to laws of our sister states.''

That would cause economic damage and legal confusion over insurance, health care, pensions and dozens of laws that rely on the traditional marriage, Seitz said.

"I firmly believe in heterosexual marriage. But I'm not trying to make a moral crusade out of this. That's not what legislators are supposed to do.''

Line in the sand

He says the bill is a firewall against "people who are trying to chip away around the edges and change all the laws that elevate heterosexual marriage over homosexual relationships.''

Marriage is a lot more than love. Since mankind played Pictionary with cave-paintings, the bond between a man and a woman has been the basic biological DNA of the human race, advancing our culture all the way to country music.

Scrapping it because the diversity trainers say so is a huge mistake.

Ohio should join 35 other states and the federal government in declaring that marriage means one man and one woman.

In Texas, Iowa, Nebraska, California, Minnesota, Hawaii - wherever such laws were passed - gay rights groups call them "a slap in the face.''

I think what they're actually hearing is applause.

E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 768-8301