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Relationships are always risky, but when it comes to living together, women are especially likely to find themselves in financial and emotional jeopardy.

BEFORE MOVING IN

So how many Tristaters shack up? Here are a few guidelines to consider before moving in together: 1. If marriage is important to you, ask if he shares that goal. If you're hesitant to pose the question, that's a bad sign, said Mary Spio, editor of One2One Living. "A lot of women don't ask because they'd rather not find out." 2. If you're willing to take the chance that he'll warm up to marriage, set a deadline and stick to it. Many women fall for lines such as "I haven't ruled it out" and "If I married anyone, it would be you," and allow themselves to be strung along for years, said Kate Wachs, author of Relationships for Dummies. Two years is a reasonable cut-off, especially for women who want to bear children, Spio said. "If after two years he's still using 'I' instead of 'we,' chances are it's not going to go anywhere." 3. Don't move in too quickly. "You should be going out for more than a few months before you live together," said Steven Sacks, author of The Mate Map: The Right Tool for Choosing the Right Mate. "It should be taken a little more seriously than some people take it." 4. Draw up a "shacking up contract" before you move in. Spell out such things as who owns what, how the money and property is divided and paid for, and who would keep the pets. Visit a lawyer or mediator to make it binding. 5. Keep your finances separate. "Women should resist the urge of getting a joint checking account with their love interest during the early stages of living together," Sacks said. 6. Live within your means. Try to sock away any gains you incur from sharing expenses in case you're suddenly on your own again. 7. Discuss how you will divide household labor to limit surprises. Make clear your stance on domestic chores. "A lot of women aren't into cooking and cleaning like their mothers were," Sacks said.Nearly 6 percent of roughly 105 million households covered in the 2000 Census were of unrelated people living together. Most of them were men and women living together, although some were same-sex couples.

UNMARRIEDS

Here's the breakdown of unmarried opposite-sex households in Tristate counties: • Boone - 1,180 • Butler - 5,205 • Campbell - 1,458 • Clermont - 3,093 • Dearborn - 650 • Hamilton - 14,073 • Kenton - 3,008 • Warren - 2,004

Cohabiting may seem a logical, money-saving choice if you're in love, spending many nights together and still paying for two separate abodes. But women can find themselves in a compromised position if they're not careful, relationship and financial experts say.

The problem is the longer a couple lives together, the more likely they are to make big purchases, open joint accounts and share each other's debt burdens. That can leave the lower earner - often the woman - holding the bag if they split.

Shacking up makes sense for people who are mutually reluctant to commit, don't have or want kids and don't see their attitudes changing. It's also preferable for older women who stand to lose Social Security or health benefits if they wed, or who want to make sure their inheritance goes to their own children.

But such women should make sure their financial planning affairs, particularly their estate planning issues, are in order first, said Randy Phillips, president of Phillips Investment Counsel in Terrace Park.

"You'll want to have all your ducks in a row," Phillips said. "That's where you'd really need to talk to your estate attorney."

Younger women with marriage on their minds often move in with men who see living together as a test drive. Many women fail to ask the hard questions before unpacking their bags and enmeshing their finances in anticipation of future nuptials, said Stacy Whitman, co-author of Shacking Up: The Smart Girl's Guide to Living in Sin Without Getting Burned.

"Women are more likely to expect marriage to be the end result," Whitman said. "Unfortunately, they don't always talk about it before they move in together, which can lead to a lot of misunderstanding and heartbreak in the end."

Those who want to save money are wiser to take a roommate or move back with mom and dad than to play house with a boyfriend, said Kate Wachs, a Chicago psychologist and author of Relationships for Dummies.

"Living together is not the answer," Wachs said. "If you break up and it's not amicable, it's a real mess."

Even if co-owned furniture and pets aren't involved, or if the couple sticks to a predetermined contract upon breaking up, someone typically has to shell out to relocate, say Marlin S. Potash, a New York psychologist.

"It's important to consult with an attorney or your financial adviser about the impact ahead of time and people often don't because ... they have stars in their eyes," Potash said.

Women need to make sure they're not primarily motivated by having their bills covered by a higher-earning mate, and at the same time they need to protect their own bank accounts from being pilfered, said Steven Sacks, author of The Mate Map: The Right Tool for Choosing the Right Mate and a cohabitation proponent.

"There could be more of a risk if a guy steals money," Sacks said. "You never hear stories of the reverse."

Men's motives for living together tend to vary significantly whether spoken or unspoken, said Mary Spio, editor of One2One Living, a singles lifestyle magazine.

"Women come in with the idea that cohabiting is a gateway to marriage, whereas men see it as a chance to improve their sex life and enjoy all the benefits of marriage without being married," Spio said.

To be sure, much of the taboo surrounding "living in sin" is gone as more people - many shell-shocked by their own parents' divorces - view cohabiting as a way to avoid a draining legal split.

Sixty-four percent of more than 400 One2One Living readers said they'd prefer to shack up before walking down the aisle - but their reasons for doing so were different, with more men preferring to "kick the tires" while women hoped for marriage, Spio said.

The irony is that shacking up leads to less relationship stability, lower odds for marriage and more likelihood of divorce, Spio said. "Even when there's pregnancy involved, it's not a determining factor whether it ends in marriage," she said.

Unless you're engaged and living together as a stopgap before the wedding, living together doesn't pay off, Potash said.

Couples rarely want the same thing at the same time, creating an imbalance of power among unwed couples that often works to women's disadvantage, Potash said.

"One person's testing with the possibility of having one foot out the door and the other person is being tested," Potash said. "The one being tested is slightly more vulnerable and apt to get hurt financially, emotionally and otherwise."

Young women have to guard against wasting their time with a man who never outgrows commitment phobia, Wachs said.

"Women just have to be more practical," she said. "If your relationship goal is you want to get married, especially if you want to get married with kids, you only have so much time."

Enquirer reporter Amy Higgins contributed.