One-liner at a time, Bob Hope provided a humorous narrative of the 20th century.

"You start telling jokes to make a living, and one morning you wake up and find you've written the history of half a century. Or your writers have. Accidentally," Hope wrote in his 1990 autobiography, Don't Shoot: It's Only Me (Jove Publishers; out of print).

Here's a sampling of Hope's jokes about U.S. presidents he entertained:

Franklin D. Roosevelt: "I was with Roosevelt during one of his famous fireside chats. He turned to me and said, 'Put another log on the fire, boy.'"

Harry Truman: "He rules the country with an iron fist - the same way he plays the piano."

Dwight Eisenhower: "I happen to know why he's running for president. It's the only way he can get out of the Army ... If he slices the budget like he slices a (golf) ball, the nation has nothing to worry about."

John F. Kennedy: "Eisenhower said, 'Congratulations on your victory.' And Kennedy replied, 'I had to win. It's so tough these days to find a place that'll take children.'"

Lyndon Johnson: "You can tell he used to be rancher. He squeezes Republicans like he's milking a cow."

Richard Nixon: "I told Nixon to burn the (Watergate) tapes. He told me to burn my golf clubs."

Gerald Ford: "It's not hard to find Jerry Ford on a golf course - you just follow the wounded.... I love playing golf with Gerald Ford. He makes me feel like I'm back performing in a war zone."

Jimmy Carter: "Carter wants to go to Washington. He'll feel right at home there - he was raised on a nut farm."

Ronald Reagan: "Some people are claiming that Ronald Reagan is too old to be president. But I like Ronnie. He's smart, he's honest, and he's the only candidate who calls me 'Sonny.'"

George Bush: "The L.A. Times gave George Bush a 'C' on his first 100 days in office. No one knows what Dan Quayle got. He claims he lost his report card on his way home from the White House."

Bill Clinton: "Clinton loves to make long speeches. In fact, this will be the first inaugural address with an intermission."

John Kiesewetter