By Gina Daugherty
The Cincinnati Enquirer

In its long history of Cincinnati satire, (OK, it's only been a year) the writers for DerfMagazine.com have amassed a special place in the hearts of those with an irreverent sense of humor.

Consider these recent headlines and story summaries taken from the site:

Cul-de-sacs growing out of control in Cincinnati suburbs: One community, the GlenRidgeDaleHavenOaks Estates, was accidentally designed without an entrance - As generic subdivisions proliferate throughout Cincinnati's suburbs such as West Chester, Mason, and Loveland, officials warn of an overabundance of cul-de-sacs. "Building a high cul-de-sac ratio risks making a neighborhood more generic and lifeless than most of these neighborhoods already are."

Man sets new record for time spent at vending machine: Amazed co-workers witnessed Jeff Salton of Norwood set a new world record by standing in front of the company vending machine for 74 hours and 32 minutes deciding on a snack.

Joe Thousandaire - FOX19 airs new local reality show: Joe Thousandaire is a convict on a four-week work-release program from prison, but the women think he is a flourishing construction worker with almost $1,000 in the bank.

Jennifer Lopez buys chain of hardware stores, called JLowes, America's first celebrity hardware store: Considered an unusual move by Hollywood insiders, a spokesperson for Jennifer Lopez recently announced the singer/songwriter/ model/actress/producer/entrepreneur has completed negotiations for the purchase of the highly successful hardware chain, Lowe's.

To avoid losing place in airport security line, local man removes own appendix: Stricken with appendicitis while waiting in the security line at the Cincinnati airport, traveler Ted Billings had to make a choice: abandon his place in the three-hour line or make the best of a bad situation by removing his appendix himself. Shocked travelers watched in horror as Mr. Billings partially disrobed and made the first incision into his lower abdomen using a plastic knife from the airport Au Bon Pain store.

God appeared at Crossroads Community Church hoping it was still a hardware store: In search of plywood and floor tile, God walked into the newly opened Crossroads Community Church last Sunday. Thrilled parishioners flocked around the Lord, hoping to bask in His warm glow.

No Surprise - Report says drunks at Teller's slightly more polite than drunks at Arthur's

Local artist hurts own feelings with poorly drawn self-portrait

Uglier daughter never included in family photos: AMBERLEY VILLAGE - Sources report that Steve and Debbie Peake have never allowed their older, less attractive daughter Meredith to appear in family photos.

First Watch restaurant: The wait finally dipped below seven weeks: Beginning in the restaurant lobby, the line moves through the front door and across the parking lot where it progresses along Madison Road and eventually merges onto the southbound shoulder of I-71.

We Buy Ugly Houses: The company known for its eye-catching billboards that read, "We Buy Ugly Houses," reached a landmark agreement this week with the city of Norwood. Under the terms of the agreement, the city will allow the company to make a purchase transaction encompassing every house in Norwood.

Outraged NASCAR fans discover Jeff Gordon only pretending to be a hillbilly: In an unusual interview with Racing Weekly, Harvard educated Jeff Gordon forgot to speak with a hillbilly accent for over two minutes. The confused reporter pressed the issue and Gordon finally dropped a bombshell saying, "Ok, I'm not really a hillbilly. I was born and raised in Maryland. You can't get any less hillbilly than that."

Tensions mount as Hyde Park residents debate Norwood's right to exist