By Dawn Sagario
The Des Moines Register

Josh and Amy Sutterer perfectly understand the stresses of one another's jobs.

The owners of Breadeaux Pizza in Grimes, Iowa, have been married for nearly two years and have owned the business for almost one. Josh Sutterer says a positive of being together 24-7 is that they don't have a chance to miss each other.

"It's all about communication for us," said Josh, 25.

Open communication in their personal relationship made becoming business partners an easy transition, Amy, 27, said.

"We're together all the time," she said. "It's actually made our relationship better."

The workplace is sometimes a fortress to rally the troops (enlisting the help of sympathetic girlfriends) and regroup (formulating a battle strategy) after a spat with your chucklehead boyfriend. Or it can be the place for a breather after a disagreement over disciplining the kids.

But for couples who work together, the unresolved argument from the night before can overflow into the workplace, making the office a messy mash of domestic discontent. Leaving the fight at home rather than rekindling it at work is easier said than done.

"It's all about compromise, it's give and take," Josh Sutterer says. That keeps arguments at bay and tension from building.

Patrick J. and Claudette McDonald have been married 28 years and have worked together full time for 25 years. Both are licensed independent social workers and licensed marriage and family therapists in Urbandale, Iowa.

An unclear definition of roles and expectations in a shared business can be a major cause of conflict, Patrick said.

"There's a naive assumption that just because we're married and that we have care and concern for each other, that these matters will be clearly defined," he said.

Claudette said that when a couple own a business, each person must step back and look at situations with some degree of detachment.

She offered some tips:

• Confront, rather than sidestep, issues as they occur.

• Develop effective communication skills: Listen attentively; talk honestly; respect each other's thoughts, beliefs, feelings and reactions; explore options openly.

• Negotiate and compromise.

When individuals are of the same rank, and in possible competition with each other, that adds another level of stress to the relationship, said Dianna Anderson, an executive coach and president of Touchstone Inc. in Johnston, Iowa.

"To manage that, you've got to be willing to invest in the foundation of the relationship," Anderson said.

That foundation includes making an agreement to talk about things sooner than later and taking a moment to think through why you're really upset before blaming the other person.

Carving out personal time for each other - without talking about work - is key. There should be clear boundaries about what stays at work and what comes home.

"You have to make sure that you value your relationship above all else, and be clear about that," Anderson said.