HAMILTON TOWNSHIP - On the 11th fairway, Chi-Chi Rodriguez requested his pitching wedge. I gave him his sand wedge. After that, he only asked me for clubs with numbers on them. About 120 yards from the hole at No. 10, Chi-Chi said, "Which 9-iron should I use here, Doc?" How 'bout the 8-iron, I say.

Chi-Chi sighs. The smallest of grimaces cuts the corners of his perpetually smiling mouth. It is, he knows, going to be a long day. "Hand me the 9-iron, Doc," Chi-Chi says.

Chi-Chi Rodriguez (center) cracks up his regular caddy, Alfred "Rabbit" Dyer (left), and acting caddy, Enquirer columnist Paul Daugherty. (Gary Landers photo) | ZOOM |

You think Chi-Chi is funny? You haven't seen me, playing caddie for him. It wasn't my idea. Making a jerk of myself comes naturally enough, I don't need to force it. Kroger Classic PR man Tim Pennington thought it would be good if I took my silly-fool act on the road, to the TPC at River's Bend course.

"You play golf, Doc?" Chi-Chi wanted to know, more an inquisition than a conversation starter. "I commit golf," I said.

I had it easy. Because Chi-Chi Rodriguez is a nice man, a forgiving man, a man who counts Mother Teresa as his idol, the Kroger Classic people figured he'd be OK with me handing him a 3-iron when he's 90 yards out.

"That's a 3-iron, Doc," he said.

"Wrong club?" I asked.

Thank God he had his regular caddie there. Alfred "Rabbit" Dyer has been on Chi-Chi's bag for three years. He spent two decades looping for Gary Player. Rabbit knows what he knows. What I know is, if I give Chi-Chi yardage, he'll be hitting lob wedge from 170.

Rodriguez has made a career on the Champions Tour by making everyone feel his warmth. He has never awakened on the wrong side of bed. Chi-Chi has the Arnold Palmer habit of making you feel better for having met him.

"Define a good day," I asked him.

"When you can get up and make the world better for everybody else," he said.

"A bad day?"

"When you can't. I don't think I've ever had a bad day.''

He makes jokes about his putting: "I've had more putters than Mickey Rooney had wives." About one of his amateur playing partners, a good player with an alleged 17-handicap: "You could cripple more people than polio with that handicap." And about his golf game, which isn't good enough now to win, only to entertain: "Every hole is two drivers and a cab ride for me."

He is more than just a smiley face. He met Mother Teresa: "When I shook her hand, every hair on my body stood up." He eulogized Bob Hope. He played minor league baseball with Roberto Clemente, in Puerto Rico. If Nelson Rockefeller had been elected president, Chi-Chi would have been U.S. ambassador to the United Nations.

His favorite TV show is Baseball Tonight. He says "the Cincinnati Reds gave all their players away, didn't they?"

Decades ago, Chi-Chi was an assistant pro at a club in Puerto Rico. Bob Hope was making a movie on the island. He stopped long enough to play 18 holes at Rodriguez's club. Chi-Chi spied Hope playing from the red tees.

"Go tell Mr. Hope he's playing from the ladies tee," Chi-Chi said.

"Go tell Chi-Chi I'm hitting my fourth shot," Hope shot back.

After six holes on Thursday, Chi-Chi started using tees the size of railroad spikes. The ball sat 4 inches high. It could do a full gainer from a pike position before it hit the grass. All his drives were 240 yards down the middle.

On a 400-yard hole, that'd be 160 to the center. That's a 5-iron for Chi-Chi, if he'd asked me. Which, by then, he didn't.

Smart man.

E-mail pdaugherty@enquirer.com