By Gina Daugherty
The Cincinnati Enquirer
The Cincinnati area's own Lillian Morris is about to make her debut on Survivor: Pearl Islands, the seventh installment of the hit series, which starts tonight.
We already know she has to jump off the Survivor boat with only the clothes on her back to start the game. But it's how she'll finish that matters most.
We performed some scientific tests to determine whether Morris, a 51-year-old mother of two grown children who lives in Deerfield Township, will be a true Survivor. After all, she's a Boy Scoutmaster and has been married for 30 years, so she knows something about endurance.
Among our tools: a psychic, a tarot-card reader, a Magic 8-Ball, a Ouija board, a fortune cookie, numerology, a Web site that specializes in odds making, a horoscope and a fortune-teller machine. We even flipped a coin.
So, let the prognosticating begin.
It's difficult to take seriously something that glows in the dark, but my Ouija partner-in-crime, my husband Craig, noted that it's so we can see it in the dark. We began by moving the Mystifying Oracle, a plastic pointer on castors, in a figure-8 motion around the board. We asked Ouija, "Will Lillian Morris win Survivor?" Nothing.
Then it happens. The Mystifying Oracle points to "T," followed by "V." Hmmm. TV. This can mean only one thing: The real winner is going to be the TV. The Ouija board is pointing out the commercialism and how much money CBS is making off the Survivor series. The Mystifying Oracle then points to "No." What can it mean?
No TV? Do not watch TV? Is our TV broken? Was it telling Craig to stop watching TV? That must be it. Or maybe it was telling us that Lillian Morris won't be on TV for very long. The problem with glow-in-the-dark Ouija boards is that they leave a lot to the imagination.
When asked, "Will Lillian Morris win Survivor?" the Magic 8 Ball replied, "Yes. Definitely." When asked the same question again later using a different Magic 8-Ball, the answer was the same. Spooky.
Tarot-card reading by Colerain Township clairvoyant Vickiveil: (She declines to give her real name because she said people show up at her house at all hours of the night asking for readings, but allows that she can be contacted through her Web site at www.vickiveil.com.)
Vickiveil predicts that within the first two to three segments of the show, Morris will come close to getting the ax but will hang on until about the sixth episode. She also said there will be a new voting system on the show that regular viewers will not like.
"When beginning the reading I immediately connected with a diminutive health concern surrounding Lillian in the belly area," Vickiveil said. "This feels to me as though it is a viral infection. It is important that readers and Lillian understand that this is not a major illness."
In a gossip magazine, Vickiveil noticed that Morris is called "granny" in the group. She says this is to the detriment of the other players, as Morris is strong and resilient for her 51 years. During the reading, Vickiveil pulled the "sharing" card, denoting that Morris' rivals will not initially view her as a threat.
"Bad move on their part," Vickiveil says. "Lillian will sacrifice something of essence to make her mark inside the group as generous and self-relinquishing."
The "playfulness" card was pulled with the "burden" card, which means that Morris will assume she is ready for challenges when she is not. This will be her downfall in the competition, Vickiveil says.
We discussed Morris' chances at winning the Survivor challenge over steaming plates of chow mein and fried rice, then broke open a cookie on her behalf.
The message: "Time and patience are called for, many surprises await you!" That initial plunge off the boat seems like a good start in the surprise department; will winning the $1 million prize be a good finish?
It's a simple but time-proven method, and this time, Morris loses two out of three flips, with heads being that she would win and tails being she would lose.
Jill Bruener: Unfortunately, Jill does not feel that Morris will win the game, although she does predict that Morris will be one of the last four or five contestants among the 16 playing.
"When I asked my guides I just didn't feel she would win," said Bruener. "They'll vote her off to have a better chance of winning."
Jill the Psychic, who can be heard Thursday mornings on WMOJ-FM (94.9), said Morris has a "really good energy," and she doesn't feel that Morris will resort to backstabbing to win the game.
"For some reason, I kind of feel like she could suffer an ankle or foot injury. Something that might deter her a little bit."
When we noticed that our fortune cookie message also contained "Lucky Numbers" we glommed onto the ancient art of numerology, the study of the hidden significance of numbers.
Added together, our numbers, 8, 15, 22, 34, 42 and 44, add up to 165. Add those digits together and we get 12. Add once again, which leaves us with a 3. We concentrated hard (and then entered the number onto a Web site that offers quickie numerology readings) and got Morris' destiny: "The vibrations are going to allow you to start pushing ahead and discover new horizons."
Read between the lines - New horizons: The Pearl Islands await.
Pushing ahead: We know we'd have to be shoved off that boat.
Odds: According to BoDog Sportsbook and Casino, an online betting site at www.BoDog.com, Morris has 8-1 odds. Translation: If she were a horse, you wouldn't bet on her. Then again, Seabiscuit was also a long shot. Burton Roberts has the best odds of winning according to BoDog, with a 4-1 shot of winning.
Roberts is a marketing executive from San Francisco. He describes himself as "adventurous, funny and a hard worker." He thinks he will do well because of his experiences as an Eagle Scout. Ha. Morris is a Boy Scoutmaster.
Horoscope: Lillian Morris is an Aries. Her traditional traits describe her as adventurous, energetic, pioneering and courageous. Sounds like a winner to us. On the bad side, Aries are selfish, quick-tempered, impulsive and impatient. Probably not the best qualities for a mind game like Survivor.
Fortune-Teller Machine: Given a quarter and a strong squeeze, the fortune-teller machine at Max & Erma's restaurant in Kenwood says, "Stay in Bed."
We have a theory: The fortune teller machine was advising Morris that on a day when she feels like she should just stay in bed, she is right.
Will our Scoutmaster survive?
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