Rush Limbaugh decided Donovan McNabb was a great football player because sportswriters said he was. We are "desirous of a black quarterback to do well," Rush decided.

Really? Why? Does a black QB give me better stories or make me more money? Would he entertain me better than a white QB when I'm sitting for days in the Atlanta airport, having missed my connection to Barcelona?

Until now, I didn't realize what help a black QB could be when someone spills a Coke on my laptop keyboard at the Final Four. When I'm "desirous" of food at 2 a.m. after a World Series game and the hotel kitchen closed at midnight, a black QB will bring me a cheeseburger.

Several years ago, it took me 13 hours to fly from Cincinnati to Green Bay. I stayed in a lean-to motel 40 miles from Lambeau Field. It should have had a neon "BATES" sign flashing in the parking lot. I ate Spam nachos, because by the time I got there, that was all they had. The Saltines were exquisite. If only I'd had a black QB around. We'd have had Heineken and lobster tails.

I really needed a black quarterback two weeks ago in Oakland. The light-rail train I was taking back to the hotel in San Francisco was a little off schedule. Like, you know, two hours. It took me three hours to go 25 miles.

Limbaugh's not only stupid. He's lazy and stupid. His constant berating of the "liberal media" is thinking so slothful, it's lying on the couch, eating chocolates and watching Springer.

Anyone who knows anything about sportswriters knows we're mainly interested in sucking down free food before the game and finishing our stories as quickly as possible after the game, so we can have an adult beverage. Or two. Any athlete/coach/manager who makes those goals more easily attainable, we're all for. We don't care if he's green from food poisoning.

Limbaugh has been so busy dropping irresponsible, race-baiting bombs on his radio show, he apparently has missed the last 15 years of the NFL. Rip Van Rush overlooked Doug Williams, who was the MVP of the Super Bowl. In 1988. Also, Warren Moon, Randall Cunningham, Steve McNair, Daunte Culpepper, Jeff Blake, McNabb and Michael Vick.

Any afternoon radio host knows a trusty way to boost ratings is to fire up the race issue. For some reason, radio hosts are held to a lesser standard of discourse than print media types. Limbaugh is held to no standard at all, beyond producing high ratings.

Say what you want, Rush. Be controversial! Mock blacks by using the term "ax" for ask. Tell a black woman caller to remove the bone from her nose and call you back. Just give us those numbers.

But don't tell me what I do. Whom I'm "desirous" of seeing play football. Truth is, I root for the column. I pull for me. Whoever makes my job easier, I go for.

I'll be in godforsaken Buffalo this weekend. My kid has a soccer game Sunday. I'll miss it. I miss them all. If there's a black quarterback out there who wants to take my seat in the press box, so I can watch a soccer game, Rush will have converted me. Probably, that won't happen.

E-mail pdaugherty@enquirer.com