Even though I've been covering the food beat for nearly a decade, you're probably not surprised to learn there's still plenty I can't explain.

Here are just a few things in the food world I don't understand ...

• Pineapple on pizza.

• Waiters who ask: "Is everything OK?" (If you're the waiter, shouldn't you hope everything is better than OK?)

• Why some people forget waiters are human, too.

• Tofurky, which is a tofu-based product made to resemble turkey for people who don't want to eat turkey.

• Why high-protein, low-carb diets will help me lose weight, yet won't kill me.

• Wine in a cardboard box.

• Fancy corkscrews that cost more than $100 and come in cute little brief cases.

• The immense popularity of George Foreman grills.

• The propensity for the most organized cooks to lose recipes.

• Parents who regularly feed fast-food meals to their children - and who can still sleep at night.

• Precooked bacon.

• Fat-Free Cool Whip.

• Individually plastic-wrapped potatoes with detailed instructions on how to microwave them.

• Why beets taste a lot like dirt.

• Huge, expensive professional-style home ranges with all the bells and whistles. (OK, deep-down, I'd love to own one, too.)

• Folks who refuse to eat goetta because they worry what it's made of, but who will gobble a hot dog, no questions asked.

• Why waffle fries are the best.

• Why porterhouse steaks are the best.

•  Ketchup on scrambled eggs.

• The success of Sandra Lee, the author who has written books on "semi-homemade" cooking. (Imagine serving a meal to friends and proudly proclaiming: It's all semi-homemade!).

• Governor Schwarzenegger. (Sorry, guess that's a non-food item.)

• Those who prefer Miracle Whip to mayonnaise.

• Why someone hasn't sued Olive Garden for misrepresenting authentic Italian food (and Italians) on those laughable television commercials.

• How Jared, the nerdy Subway spokesman, is still making TV commercials. (You know, there are plenty of us nerdy guys waiting for that opportunity.)

• Anchovies.

• Why more men don't pitch in and do the family cooking and grocery shopping. (Are they insecure in their gender roles, or just so, so tired?)

• Deep-fried Twinkies.

• Dried parsley. (Fresh is cheap, available and tastes so much better.)

• Why there's no meat (unless you count suet) in mincemeat pie.

• Why anyone would watch a television show (MTV's The Newlyweds) featuring a character (Jessica Simpson) who admits she doesn't know the difference between canned tuna and chicken.

• The evil, hypnotic allure of chain restaurants.

• People who claim they just can't cook. (Food + heat = cooking.)

Maybe you don't understand a few things about food. E-mail your perplexing questions and quandaries to: cmartin@enquirer.com.