Who cares for the caregiver? It's a question that doesn't have a precise answer, but one that is becoming more pressing as the number of at-home caregivers grows.

When I was in college, my parents cared first for my paternal grandfather, who had leukemia, and next for my maternal grandmother through the progression of her Alzheimer's. For a time, they had virtually no life away from the sick bed. The scenario is all too familiar, and it's taking its toll on women in particular. Two-thirds of those at home caring for loved ones who are elderly or disabled are women.

Children born with significant disabilities are surviving, even thriving, due to technology, where decades ago they would not have survived infancy. Aging parents are living longer, too, but with that extended life expectancy often comes extended illness or disabling conditions.

Most are women

If an elderly loved one requires care, studies show that the caregiver is most likely to be a daughter. The typical caregiver, in fact, is a 46-year-old female, meaning that if she is already in the work force, her job and future in it are compromised.

A woman cast in the role of caregiver is five times more likely to retire early than are her "carefree" counterparts. Similarly, women caregivers frequently pass on opportunities for promotion, reduce their work hours or take lower-paying, less demanding jobs to maintain schedule flexibility.

At the same time, the cost of caregiving itself often imposes economic hardships. Prescription medications, wheelchair ramps, medical supplies and medical appointments are just some of the additional expenses that a loved one requiring personal care will incur.

While many caregivers are baby boomers - parents of children with significant disabilities or adult children of of aging parents - many are elderly themselves. Women in their 60s and 70s are often responsible for the care of husbands. A wife neglecting her own medical needs is, unfortunately, not uncommon.

Whether caregiving imposes financial burdens or not, the overwhelming responsibility often leads to physical and emotional problems. Depression, anxiety and other mental health challenges are issues faced by caregivers who are solely responsible for the care of one or more disabled or elderly loved ones.

The problem, in part, is woven into the nature of the job itself. The intimacy of providing another human being with oxygen or medicine, feeding him or helping him bathe, protecting him from injuring himself not surprisingly inspires a sense of sole responsibility. No one else will fix the pillows just the right way, the caregiver comes to believe; no one else will know intuitively to turn the TV to a certain channel, offer a particular drink, or otherwise understand the care recipient's most fundamental needs.

The lament voiced again and again by caregivers of every age is the fear of letting go of responsibility, the terror that, to relax for just an hour could result in disaster.

Others can lend a hand

And that's where the rest of us - those who are not (yet) in the caregiving role - can help protect members of this group from serious physical and mental deterioration themselves. If you have a neighbor, friend or relative who is caring for a disabled child or aging adult, offering even a few hours of respite a month can be a tremendous gift.

Who cares for the caregivers? We all should. And if you happen to be one of these noble caregiving individuals yourself, please remember to take care of yourself.

Contact Deborah Kendrick by phone: 673-4474; fax: 321-6430; e-mail: dkkendrick@earthlink.net.