The first Wednesday in November should be Thank You Day - a chance for candidates to express gratitude that voters did not run out of patience and throw them all on a bonfire of yard signs.

Winners say, "Thank you for helping me to vanquish my evil opponent.''

Losers say, "Thank you to voters who stuck with me after my unethical opponent unfairly brought up my felony theft record.''

But here are some thank-yous you won't hear:

• Thank you, Damon Lynch III. By running for City Council, Lynch gave Cincinnati a chance to vote on his race-baiting boycott and pro-riot rhetoric.

And here's what Cincinnati said: Go away.

Lynch finished 10th, which is like scratching off "try again'' on a lottery ticket. Not bad. But compared with his preseason press clippings, he looks overrated.

And Lynch unintentionally helped elect Sam Malone and Chris Smitherman. Both received black votes, but also got plenty of white votes because they ran as the anti-Lynch candidates. So ...

• Thank you, Chris Smitherman. The Charterite finished seventh with ads that emphasized a complete, healthy black family. One adviser said the ads were an implicit jab at Lynch, who never misses a chance to blame racism for problems that are caused by fractured families - such as poverty, teen pregnancy, dropouts and drug crimes. Smitherman's ads projected a welcome, positive message.

• Thank you, Sam Malone. The Republican finished eighth with bold ads that dared to do what other candidates did not: He bluntly condemned the boycotts and rioting, and promised to support law and order. Malone proved you can run against the other candidates in a vapid field race that looked like all the rest were running for president of a preschool playground.

• Thank you, Chris Monzel. The Republican councilman was bumped off by other incumbents who finally discovered crime just in time to run phony ads bragging about how much they support the cops they have trashed for two years. Monzel was law and order before law and order was cool.

• Thank you, David Pepper. The mostly moderate, sometimes closet-conservative Democrat finished first, proving once again that Democrats who act like Republicans win in Cincinnati. Memo to the GOP: Republicans who act like Democrats are losers. Such as ...

• Thank you, Bob Taft. By plastering his face and name all over the ads, Gov. Taft killed his Issue 1 loan application for $500 million to spend on high-tech economic development. Maybe voters didn't like borrowing a half-billion so soon after a "budget-crisis" tax hike. Maybe they didn't like rewriting the state Constitution. But my guess is they just didn't like Taft.

• Thank you, Paul Patton. The Kentucky governor's Clintonesque sex scandal sabotaged his party and gave the state its first Republican governor since Nixon went to China. That means Republican Northern Kentucky rules. So does President Bush, who campaigned for winner Ernie Fletcher.

• Thank you, Cleveland Heights, for passing Ohio's first official recognition of homosexual marriages - and reminding the rest of us why Ohio needs to pass a Defense of Marriage Act before the craziness spreads.

• And thank you to all the candidates who provide targets for wise guys like me.

E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 768-8301.