The United States is utopia. More people should vote Republican. And there are too many of those darned handicapped parking spaces.

That's Jack L. Klinger's view of the world, at least.

The 33-year-old Anderson resident is the author of 487 Indisputable Truths ... For People Who Are Not Un-American Weasels, Hypersensitive PC Types, or Humorless Bores.

In the tradition of the best-selling Life's Little Instruction Book, Klinger's work is a list of observations about life and its many quirks. The compilation has been in the works for six years, as a list of things that made the author say, "Isn't that the truth?"

Not surprisingly, this is a man who prides himself on telling it like it is: "My philosophy is that in life, you have to find a time to say what you believe in and to hell with what other people think."

He's what you might call conservative. It's apparent in his suit (plain), his lunch (steak sandwich), his vice of choice (cigars), as well as his writing.

"My book is pro-God, pro-family, pro-America and generally pro-Republican," he said. "It's essentially a mirror image of its author."

Though I don't agree with some - OK, any - of Klinger's views (Reagan is the greatest president of the 20th century?!?!), conservatives might appreciate his observations:

• On environmental groups: "The greatest contribution to humanity by the French ... is their 1985 sinking of the Greenpeace ship Rainbow Warrior."

• On feminists: "The National Organization for Women could save themselves a lot of time by not whining about their abortion rights - nobody wants to have sex with any of them anyway."

• On a sad and scary disease: "With only very, very rare exceptions ... AIDS does discriminate."

• On compassion: "Drug addiction is not a 'sickness'; it's a weakness."

• On welcoming immigrants: "People who want to live in the United States need to speak English."

What I can appreciate, however, is the fact that the University of Cincinnati grad is a self-made man.

In January 2001, when Klinger was between jobs, he purchased his own company, Merex Media. It's essentially a one-man show at the communications firm, with Klinger at the helm of every role, including owner, president, receptionist and janitor.

"I was between jobs, and I thought, 'Wouldn't it be fun to start my own company?' "

Klinger was doing public relations work when he decided to put together a book of whimsical nuggets.

He was rejected several times by publishers, so he decided to do things his way. He paid an undisclosed amount of money to publish his work himself.

The book was hot off the presses in July. Since the initial print run of 3,000, Klinger has sold about 500.

No matter how far Klinger's views stray from my own, one thing is clear.

This man doesn't put on pretenses. He's blunt and honest. And he is as true to his word as he is true to himself. A lot of people can't boast the same.

Other liberal types will respect something else about Klinger.

The fact that he refers to his work as a "bathroom book."

Find out more at www.487truths.com.

E-mail mdowns@enquirer.com