MAGGIE: (miserably) I don't know, Clarence. I'm so upset about WOXY-FM 97.7's decision to sell its local broadcast license.

97X was always so much more than just something to play in my house or car. Its play list provided a soundtrack for 14 years of my life. I - and others worldwide - admired their adventurous personality and independent spirit. They were my community.

And as of May 1, they're moving to an Internet-only format? That's supposed to console me?

I almost wish they had never gone on the air at all.

CLARENCE: Oh, you mustn't say things like that. You ... (gets an idea) ... wait a minute. Wait a minute. That's an idea. All right. You've got your wish. 97X was never on the air.

The landscape is suddenly gray. Maggie glances around the apartment. The stereo has disappeared. The CD collection is gone. Outside, the snow stops falling.

MAGGIE: What the -?!?

CLARENCE: You have no CDs anymore. With no 97X, you never heard great modern rock music. No Smiths. No Pixies. No Travis. You never discovered the songs that spoke to you, so you decided you would rather live without music. Actually, a lot of people live in silence now.

MAGGIE: Whatever, you sicko. Leave me alone. (Steps outside, then stops by a panhandler) Wait ... Andy? What are you doing, asking for money?

CLARENCE: Remember when your ex-boyfriend was a miserable high school student new to Dayton? As he slid through stations on his bedroom stereo one night, he heard "Jane's Getting Serious" on 97X. He never stopped listening - and he ended up going to school at Miami University to be close to the station that gave him a home.

But with no 97X, he was never motivated to continue his education.

MAGGIE: What else has happened without 97X?

CLARENCE: Well, you know your co-worker, the one who met his wife through a shared love of 97X? He never married, and now's he's a childless, bitter man.

MAGGIE: What? No!

CLARENCE: And the movie Rainman flopped. The catchphrase, "97X: Bam! The future of rock and roll," was a great line. Turns out, "WKRQ: A decent song every now and then," wasn't.

MAGGIE: (gasping) Horrors!

CLARENCE: Worst of all, the climate of the local music scene has changed. The Afghan Whigs never made it. Ditto for the Ass Ponys. And the Sundresses - well, they're all bank tellers. Many bands never even got together. There was no point. Without 97X, they lacked the forum to reach a receptive audience.

MAGGIE: Lemme get this straight. No more concerts with great new acts? No Modern Rock 500 music marathon? No 97Xposure contest to uncover the best area bands? No local music on any local stations?

CLARENCE: Indeed. There IS no future of rock and roll.

MAGGIE: (aghast) No!!! Help me, Clarence. Get me back. Get me back. I want them on the air again. I don't care if it is just the Internet. The world needs 97X. I need them. ... (sobbing)

A gentle snow begins to fall.

MAGGIE: (wiping tears) Oh, thank you, thank you.

Nearby, a mouse clicks and 97X starts playing.

MAGGIE: (smiling to herself) It's like the old saying: Every time Coldplay sings, another angel gets his wings.

Attaboy, Clarence.

E-mail mdowns@enquirer.com