Somewhere, someone with too much money and too little common sense is reading those numbers and thinking, "Arena Football in Cincinnati - it's just crazy enough to work." And no, it's not.

End of an era

Playmakers star Jason Matthew Smith (the bald linebacker from Mariemont) as quoted in a recent Florida Today story, on the cancellation of the show: "It's the only show that I know of in the history of television that's been canceled because it was too good, you know?"

Yeah, yeah. Just like Saved By the Bell: The College Years, or that Blossom spinoff.

Tough times

The Philadelphia Inquirer recently reported on former Phillies catcher Darren Daulton and his off-field troubles since leaving the game. Here's the retired backstop's take on his job as a bullpen coach for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays: "I was getting paid $100,000 to answer the phone - literally. I was never asked for anything - my opinion, anything. For what I felt I had to offer, and what I wanted to do, I did nothing. It was no fun. It was boring."

Hey, Dutch, why don't you try that sob story down in South Philly? We're sure the boys'll be really sympathetic.

The thousand-dollar man

Bloomberg News reported this week that former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson, who earned more than $200 million during his career, had exactly $5,533 to his name at year's end.

What's the over-under on Tyson signing on to do a reality television show? Six months? Three?

Exercise in patience

USA Today this week ran a story about fitness guru Jack LaLanne's plan to swim underwater from Catalina Island to Los Angeles to celebrate his 90th birthday. In the story, Elaine, 77, his wife of 48 years, jumped from her chair and shouted: "If you do it, I'm divorcing you. You've done enough stuff in your life."

Gee, wonder why LaLanne wants to get out of the house and risk death doing it.