Jose Canseco, who ranks 26th in Major League Baseball history with 462 home runs, will attend the Los Angeles Dodgers' open tryout Monday in Vero Beach, Fla. The 39-year-old last played in the major leagues for the Chicago White Sox in 2001, hitting .258 with 16 home runs and 49 runs batted in during 76 games.

This figures to be the most embarrassing experience for someone in a Dodger uniform since Tommy Lasorda awkwardly fell down at the All-Star Game three years ago while trying to avoid a loose bat.

If he only had a heart

Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, who would rank somewhere between carbs and Mel Gibson in a current public opinion poll, recently compared Red Sox owner John Henry to the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz.

Which would make the Boss ... ? Wait, was it the Tin Man who assembled a $180 million all-star team and ruined any semblance of a competitive balance in baseball? Or was that the Lion?

Sure bet

The New York Times reported this week that the period of Pete Rose's gambling that led to his banishment from Major League Baseball will be the focus of an ESPN film that is scheduled to be shown in September.

Two words: Tony Danza.

A Season on the Brink and Junction Boys have shown what kind of "talent" the worldwide leader in sports is willing to pay. And what B-list actor is more qualified than Danza?

He has experience playing athletes in both bad sitcoms (Who's the Boss?) and bad movies (The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon). He'd look great in a Prince Valiant haircut. And, let's face it, he could use the work.

Hitting where it hurts

New York State Athletic Commission officials this week informed boxing promoter Bob Arum that the opponent selected for Floyd Mayweather Jr., undefeated former junior lightweight and lightweight champion Paul Spadafora, is unacceptable because he is accused of shooting his fiancÈe.

That's respectable. But is anyone else wondering where the New York State Athletic Commission was when Mike Tyson was threatening to eat people's children?