By Patricia Gallagher Newberry

Having passed through the dating years, I find myself now living vicariously through others still there or headed there soon.

And it's kind of freaking me out.

Most recently, I found myself on the prowl for a good romantic story line in a community theater group, one usually fertile with possible plots. What a disappointment to find everyone dated up, and to witness a single try at flirtation die on the vine.

More regularly, I turn to single friends and family for romantic distraction, milking them for tidbits about their various trysts.

And I'm never one to pass up a chat with the newly engaged or married. I'm a sucker for true-love stories that lead to the aisle, even when they include an hour-long detour through the bride's 2-inch wedding binder.

Most strangely, I've had fleeting thoughts about my own kids' romantic lives of late.

And since they don't actually have them yet, they don't hesitate to tell me I'm weird for asking.

Actually, the oldest, at 10, is fairly anti-boy. She went into tizzy-mode in the past few weeks over the prospect of touching a boy - oh, ick! - for square dancing in gym class. While she reluctantly named names of her dosey-do partners, she adamantly refused to dish about them. Kill-joy.

The middle child, at 8, has only recently come to admit that some girls can be, well, cool. For a boy who'd just as soon smack his sisters as look at them, I knew better than to make much of the fact that he called one of the cool girls last week (she likes SpongeBob, too) for a homework question.

The youngest, bless her little kindergartner heart, has already picked out a husband, and will no doubt pop the question next time he comes over for a play date. Then again, she tells me she's in love with one of her girlfriends and wants to marry her, too.

As grade-schoolers, though, they won't be asking for the car keys and extended curfews anytime soon.

Why, then, do I wonder which of my kids will have the first first date? And whether they'll go solo or in a group? And current thinking on who pays for what and whether boys still wear corsages when they go to formals?

And by what act of bizarre brain chemistry did I come to compile a mental "short list" of possible candidates for my children's spouses - along with best choices for church decorations, reception bands and mother-of-the-bride gowns? And why do I care if single folks I know couple up, whether for one night or for good?

The possibilities: 1) With 14 years of marriage arriving next week, romance sometimes seems a sweet but distant memory. 2) At 42, with three kids, no one's called for a good time in a very long time. 3) Community theater gets me hot and bothered. 4) I'm long overdue for a romantic night with my own live-in Romeo.

I'm thinking No. 1, 2 and 3 add up to No. 4 here. Vicarious dating is losing its thrill. I'm pining for a date with my mate.

E-mail patti@marriedwchildren.com.