A story in the Austin American-Statesman this week claimed the Albuquerque Isotopes, named after the Springfield team on "The Simpsons," had the best merchandising figures in minor-league baseball based on wholesale sales.

Fahgitaboudit

After being knocked out of Game 1 of a playoff series with the Knicks following a flagrant foul, Nets forward Tim Thomas twice employed the f-word - fugazi.

Thomas used the Italian slang term for "fake" in reference to Kenyon Martin's antics and reputation.

"I hate it," Thomas said to the New York Daily News. "As soon as something happens, you've got 12 or 13 guys to protect you in a little scuffle. So ... I just think he's fugazi all around."

The paper did not report whether or not Thomas talked with his hands during the rant or if the two players are planning a "sit-down" to resolve the conflict.

Full nest syndrome

The Associated Press reported this week that tennis player/gossip column fodder Anna Kournikova is being sued by her parents, who say the tennis player has taken over the waterfront home in Miami Beach, Fla., the three jointly own.

Sergei and Alla Kournikova say they want the seven-bedroom home "partitioned," which sounds oddly like one of those tape-dividing-the-room sitcom situations. And we know how those always turn out.

Either way, here's to Anna getting the tanning deck.

Hey, I know that dude

The Denver Post checked in this week with Colorado State quarterback Bradlee Van Pelt to inquire about his draft-day plans.

He responded with some of the following quotes:

• "I'll spend two days playing golf, hiking, shopping, skateboarding or just sitting on the beach."

• "I don't care where I go. Everyone is making a bigger deal of it than me or what round I go in. Just tell me somewhere to go and I'll pack my bags."

• "I'm not watching TV. ... I'd rather fall asleep Friday, wake up Monday and have someone just tell me where I'm going."

Awesome. Hey everybody, it's Jeff Spicoli.