Last summer, my 14-year-old son called me at work. From Europe.

"So how do you like Amsterdam?" I asked.

"It's great if you're a drug addict," he joked.

The phone sounded like he was in Loveland. But the streets of Loveland are not spiced with the musty smoke of burning hashish. Pot and prostitution are not sold like peanuts on the corners of Cincinnati.

But they are in Amsterdam. So, of course, I told him to experience the Amsterdam culture and sample whatever.

NOT.

We told him before he left that Dad's Law is enforced unilaterally, regardless of international borders or the United Nations Security Council.

And Dad's Law doesn't care if 7-year-olds knock back cabernet with their Happy Meals in France, or if kids chug steins of high-test lager at beer gardens in Munich. Foreign customs can be fun and educational. But Momma don't allow no cannabis cafes or chardonnay milkshakes around here.

But some parents in Mariemont gave their kids permission to drink beer on a school trip to Germany, to experience Bavarian culture. And that has raised an important legal question:

WHAT THE HECK WERE THEY THINKING?

Two families are suing the school district because their kids were suspended. Turns out some of the kids, ages 15, 16 and 17, got blitzed on German beer, which is strong enough to make full-grown men dance to accordions in little leather shorts.

A couple of the kids couldn't handle Happy Hour. What a surprise.

After some parents pitched a screaming fit at the airport when the students came home, school officials backed off on suspensions for the 17 students and required community service instead. "Most are content" with that, said Mariemont schools lawyer Bronston McCord. But two families filed a federal lawsuit claiming the school violated parents' rights.

McCord said claims for monetary damages are "ludicrous," and the lawsuit "is not viable." Student drinking must be punished the same - at a prom or a beer garden, he said.

School officials were very clear that drinking was not allowed, he said, but urged families to discuss what could happen if alcohol were offered "in controlled environments with adult supervision by (host) parents."

Lawyer Richard Ward, a parent of one of the kids, said, "I have two words for that: Absolutely false." He said "the talk" given to parents was, "The tricky issue is that all these (German) kids go to beer gardens when they get out of schools at 1:15, that's where they socialize."

The decision was put in the hands of parents, he said. "They gave permission that was theirs to give, and now the kids are being punished for something they were told they could do."

I don't know who's right. But anyone who thinks it's OK for 15-year-olds to sample the "Bavarian experience" of after-school keg parties should have their adult licenses suspended until they pass Breathalyzer tests.

Americans have been brainwashed by "cultural sensitivity" to think we're a nation of international Gomers who desperately need manners lessons from France and Germany. Here's a better idea: I think Europeans need some remedial culture lessons from us.

Just remember, kids: You can be as far away as Paris or Munich and sound like you're still in Cincinnati. Just say, "No thanks, underage drinking is unsafe - because my parents would kill me."

E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 768-8301.