Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Famous 'Frasier' callers

An impressive list of luminaries have signed on to Frasier in the last eight seasons, in what has become the hottest bit part in Hollywood, including not only actors but also athletes, musicians, cartoonists and clothing designers.

During the 2001-2002 season callers included:

• Anthony Edwards as "Tom" - Is having second thoughts about getting married. As Frasier advises him, he hears the wedding march in the background.

• Larry Gelbart as "Joe" - Is bummed because he lost a gold cufflink in a cab.

• Allison Janney as "Phyllis" - Lost her cat and wants listeners to help her find it.

• Jennifer Jason Leigh as "Estelle" - Is totally psyched to be talking to Bill Gates. Fraiser, of course, is annoyed.

• Bobby Short as "Warren" - Only has questions for Bill Gates, which ruins Frasier's 200th broadcast.

• Pat Boone as "Garth" - Calls when Kenny is looking for more "juicy, sexy calls, but he wants to talk about his difficulties with the household budget.

• Cherry Jones as "Janet" - A caller to Dr. Zach's show. Her husband isn't the man he used to be.

• Andy Garcia as "Terrance" - Is almost 40 and still single, feels like a total loser.

• Freddie Prinze Jr. as "Mike" - Calls with an apparent masturbation inquiry to "Teen Scene." Frasier offers no substantive advice.

• Naomi Judd as "Lillian" - Frasier tries to counsel her on not being a perfectionist, only to chastise himself for the same problem when he can't remember a quote.

• Keith Carradine as "Carl" - Is almost certain that he will be dumped soon.

• Scott Hamilton as "Caller #1"- Calls Frasier in Spokane and tells him to go back to Seattle.

• Daryl Hannah as "Caller #2" - Calls in Spokane to organize a boycott of the station until Frasier is gone.

• Olympia Dukakis as "Caller #3" - Calls Spokane in support of Roz after she has broken up with Roger.

• Rufus Wainwright as "Jeremy" - A young boy who Frasier counsels with a story of Niles' childhood bed-wetting problem.

During the 2000-2001 season callers included:

• Harold Prince as "Fred" - To promote the St. Agnes bake sale.

• Melissa Etheridge as "Cleo" - She's dating three different guys and can't choose between them.

• Bernadette Peters as "Rachel" - Confesses to having a little crush on Frasier.

• Neil Simon as "Andy" - Andy is calling from a cellular phone and the reception isn't clear and he keeps on repeating, "Am I on, am I on, am I on" until Frasier just hangs up on him.

• Stephen King as "Brian" and Wolfgang Puck as "Tom" - Are two callers debating against each other on who should be the one on the line prior to the commercial break which is only for 30 seconds as opposed to more airtime after the break.

In the 1999/2000 season some of the problem callers included:

• Gloria Estefan as "Maria" - Her husband is having an affair with his secretary.

• Isaac Mizrahi as "Gabe" - He is a compulsive shopper.

In the 1998/1999 season some of the problems callers included:

• Ron Howard as "Stephen" - Hears people talking to him through his radio.

• William H. Macy as "Ralph" - Frasier changed Ralph's tire. Ralph calls to say he's going to sue Frasier for scratching the car with his cufflinks.

• Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas as "Larry & Sophie" - Sophie wants some of her girlfriends to come over on Super Bowl Sunday. Larry refuses unless Frasier can answer a football question.

• Beverly D'Angelo as "Audrey" - Doesn't understand why she should fix the dress she ripped. Frasier: "Euripides, Eumenides."

• Yo Yo Ma as "Tom" - Is having a problem with a co-worker and wants to know what he can do about it.

• Pia Zadora as "Gill" - Found out her husband is gay and wants a divorce. Dr. Nora says to make it work.

• Bonnie Raitt as "Denise" - Nothing she ever does is good enough for her mother. Frasier suggests counseling. Dr. Nora says to cut her out of her life like a tumor.

• Gillian Anderson as "Jenny" - A flight attendant who lives with her boyfriend and has great sex, but he avoids the subject of marriage. Dr. Nora calls her a whore.

In the 1997/1998 season some of the problems callers included:

• Cindy Crawford as "Dorothy," Roz's manicurist - Dorothy got on air by mistake when Roz got confused as to which caller was on the line.

• Rob Reiner as "Bill" - Called with a bed-wetting problem. Roz juiced up his problem so he became a bed-wetting adulterer.

• Bess Myerson as "Mary, Caller #1" - Spoke to Roz and said she was indecisive. Roz hung up on her.

• Halle Berry as "Betsy" - Her husband wanted to take her on a cruise. Details of her recurring dream about water gushing into her cabin sent Roz rushing into the bathroom.

• John McEnroe as "Patrick" - He wasn't sure if his wife was having an affair. Frasier suggested Patrick make her a romantic dinner that evening, but she was working late on her boss' boat again.

• Jill Clayburgh as "Marie" - She was having a hard time getting out of bed and when she did she was irritable for hours. Frasier suggested therapy, but Marie agreed with Dr. Clint Webber's opinion that she was hypoglycemic.

During the 1996/1997 season, callers included:

• Bob Costas as "Jake" - Called for Bulldog, got Frasier instead and asked him a complicated basketball question.

• John Cusak as "Greg" - First-year psychology student who was manifesting symptoms he was studying.

• Kieran Culkin as "Jimmy" - Fourteen-year-old who thinks his parents are just like, "I dunno, really stupid."

• Eric Roberts as "Chet" - Man who had called once before about low self- esteem. Now says people tell him he's arrogant and tells Frasier to get lost when he suggests that he may have taken his advice too far.

• Patty Duke as "Alice" - Depressed woman to whom Frasier related the story of Eddie's depression and treatment.

• Christopher Durang as "Rudy" - Man who cries when he watches sad movies.

During the 1995/1996 season the callers included:

• Armistead Maupin as "Gerard" - Wanted to be friends with Frasier and offered to comb his hair.

• Randy Travis as "Man" - Would binge then starve so he could fit into fancy evening gowns.

• Katarina Witt as "Brenda" - She was having problems with her sister. Before she could go into detail she got another call and put Frasier on hold.

• Jane Pauley as "Rochelle" - She set someone's lawn on fire for not curbing their dog.

• Joan Allen as "Lydia" - Was receiving obscene phone calls. Was afraid to answer her own phone.

• Paul Mazursky as "Vinnie" - A womanizer who lost his pinkie ring, but didn't know where. Was hoping to use Frasier's show to find it.

• Ed Harris as "Rob" - Called to praise Bulldog. Bulldog called him a suck-up, told him to shut up and soon after cut him off.

During the 1994/1995 season, callers included:

• Kevin Bacon as "Vic" - Says he is having trouble with women. He is turned over to Roz where she recognizes him as "I left my wallet at home so could you pick up the check, babe?"

• Betty Comden and Adolph Green as "Linda and WalterŽ- She and her husband are lost, but he refuses to ask for directions.

• John Lithgow as "Madman Martinez" - Calls up in disguise of having a problem, but really only plugs his car dealership.

• Art Garfunkel as "Chester" - His wife feels as if he's wasting his life, marking time. Frasier asks him to call tomorrow and he says he will hang on the line until tomorrow ... he has nothing pressing to do.

• Carly Simon as "Marie" - There's a 40-year-old man she would like to go out with, but he has never been married. She's calling from a pay phone.

• Gary Sinise as "Sid" - He is reading what he says to Frasier. He writes everything down before having a conversation with someone.

• Sherry Lansing as "Angela" - Frasier's first caller ever. He fell back in his chair and missed her problem, which had something to do with her dead husband.

During the 1993/1994 season, callers included:

• Mel Brooks as "Tom" - Traumatized by the Christmas he found a dead puppy from Santa.

• Rosemary Clooney as "Gladys" - Fallen so many times they couldn't fit any more pins in her hip.

• Linda Hamilton as "Claire" - Broke up with her boyfriend and couldn't get over it.

• Eddie Van Halen as "Hank" - Had a problem with his neighbor. Hank never told Frasier what his problem was, because he kept trying to hear himself over the radio.

• Elijah Wood as "Ethan" - The kids at school beat him up because he was smart. He found Frasier's advice patronizing, simplistic and uninspired.

• Henry Mancici as "Al" - He hated his voice.

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