In the most fascinating historical document discovery since the Goonies found One-Eyed Willie's treasure map, Pittsfield, Mass., officials Tuesday released a 1791 ordinance that the National Baseball Hall of Fame called "irrefutable" evidence of the first written reference to the game ever found.

The Town Meeting bylaw reads: "For the Preservation of the Windows in the New Meeting House ... no Person or Inhabitant of said town, shall be permitted to play at any game called Wicket, Cricket, Baseball, Football, Cat, Fives, or any other game or games with balls, within the Distance of Eighty Yards from said Meeting House."

Can't you just see the guy in the powdered wig, standing at the Meeting House steps, shaking the ball in a clenched fist? You rapscallions, this is your warning. Next time, I keep it!

'Only in America'

During a Wednesday press conference at the Mandalay Bay casino for Saturday's fight between Roy Jones Jr. and Antonio Tarver, promoter Don King lauded Jones as "the black Superman." Jones' Kryptonite, however, must be obnoxious sing-songy promoters, because the fighter left halfway through King's rant to play craps.

To be like Mike

Bloomberg News reported that Michael Jordan, who's scheduled to swing through Asia this month on a promotional tour sponsored by Nike, is competing for a hotel room with the presidents of 15 countries on the Taiwan leg of his trip because of the country's upcoming inauguration.

It also reported that one of the dignitaries attending is President Kessai H. Note of the Marshall Islands, a country with a gross domestic product of $100 million. Jordan's wealth is estimated at $400 million.

Maybe Mike will let the president sleep on his pull-out.

Must be the money

Deion Sanders left CBS Sports' The NFL Today this week because the network wouldn't pay him the $2 million a year he requested. Which is important for only one reason: If someone doesn't give him a job soon, there's at least a possibility he could come out with another rap album.

And then we'll all be the ones paying.

So, some network, any network, for the love of Biggie Smalls, get a deal done.