By Jackie Demaline
Enquirer staff writer

A terrifyingly perky flapper dances onto the stage of the Aronoff's Jarson-Kaplan Theater and sings out loud what we all know: Thoroughly Modern Millie is the worst "Best Musical" ever.

A puppet trio from Avenue Q, Little Shop of Horrors and The Lion King have some pithy lyrics to the tune of "You Gotta Have a Gimmick."

Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber gets a couple of good pokes for letting reverb cover a certain compositional weakness.

Word-of-mouth will have to spread like a brush fire for Forbidden Broadway, the revue that skewers what's not so great about the Great White Way, to get the crowds it deserves by the time it closes Sunday.

If you love musical theater - I mean really love it, and get as worked up as Forbidden creator Gerard Alessandrini about everything that's cheap and lazy and soullessly mercenary and striking deathblows at a grand art form, Forbidden Broadway is for you.

If you just like musicals, and sign up for the annual Broadway in Cincinnati touring circuit, you'll get a kick out of this roast, too.

Alessandrini is observant and has a rare gift for satire - Forbidden Broadway is still going strong after more than 20 years, which tells you he's doing something right.

This edition is up-to-date, with a spoof of Mamma Mia! (returning to the Aronoff in August) and a big second act opener devoted to the Evil House of Mouse, ranging from Disney's corporate policy in shows to injuries in The Lion King to a downsized Beauty and the Beast.

Plenty of credit has to go to Forbidden's costuming by Tony Award winner Alvin Colt, who knows how to ID a show with a little of this and that.

The Lion King is particularly funny, using items found throughout the bathroom, including the gray terry towels and toilet plungers that stand-in for the human-sized elephant puppet. And he doesn't miss an opportunity for a visual gag to underline Alessandrini's musical ones.

Favorite old routines have been freshened up.

The "sauce, glossy, Fosse" might have felt dated, if not for the addition of Melanie Griffith, a recent Roxie Hart.

The revue's longtime first act closer of Les Miz and its dizzying turntable makes me nostalgic now that new lyrics and a re-written sketch make it clear Alessandrini will be retiring it in the foreseeable future.

Alessandrini picks big, fat targets - if you go to musicals at all, you won't feel left out, although Tuesday's opening night audience was clearly filled with Broadway hounds who knew their stuff and were loud in their appreciation for the show.

After a shaky opening, the ensemble of four is pretty terrific, and they all have some wonderful moments - Kristine Zbornik's roles range from Kathleen Turner in The Graduate (her interpretation strangely reminiscent of Mini Me), to an over-the-hill Little Orphan Annie to a flat-out great Ethel Merman.

Eric Gutman is merciless in a Mandy Patinkin spoof, Leisa Mather does a show-stopping impression of Barbra Streisand and Kevin B. McGlynn dons a Hairspray gown to show what a diva really is.

Forbidden Broadway is an oasis in a theatrical desert this summer, but even if there were a dozen shows playing, I'd recommend making time for this one.

Forbidden Broadway, through Sunday, Off-Broadway in Cincinnati, Jarson-Kaplan Theater, Aronoff Center for the Arts, 241-7469.

E-mail: jdemaline@enquirer.com