By Lauren Bishop
Enquirer staff writer

If this week's episode of Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica can teach us anything, it's that Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson are infinitely more bearable when they're apart.

Nick and brother Drew fly to Fiji for the Kelly Slater Invitational, for which the champion surfer brought together other professional surfers and assorted celebs, including Nick, model Marisa Miller, Jane's Addiction front man Perry Farrell and Lance Bass of 'NSync. (Funny, we don't see much of him.)

Meanwhile, Jessica appears on QVC to hawk Dessert, her line of edible perfumes and lotions, and manages to sell $500,000 worth of the stuff. In 15 minutes.

Then she's off to the San Diego Zoo to perform a short set. She serenades fan Jonathan on stage, perches on his lap and sings "I Wanna Love You Forever" in his face. "Sorry if my breath stinks," she says, as Jonathan looks ready to explode from all the excitement.

Back in Fiji, Nick gets a surfing lesson, admitting that he's from Ohio and that he's never so much as body-surfed. He asks about sharks but isn't comforted by the instructors' reassurances.

"Everyone's blase attitude about the sharks concerns me," he says. "Come on, it's like, I've seen the video. They eat people. Maybe by mistake, but that's a big (bleep) mistake."

Now at a video shoot in New Orleans, Jessica is having her own animal-related problems. After a handler releases a crate of homing pigeons, shooting stops after one or two fly too close to her head. That's followed by a wardrobe malfunction involving Jessica's low-cut dress, which is quickly taped back into place.

"I'm Janet Jackson!" she giggles.

Finally, it's time for the actual surfing event, in which Nick wipes out several times before managing to catch a good ride. Later, Nick and Drew jokingly complain about the sunny days and warm water in Fiji.

"My first experience in Fiji was my honeymoon," Nick says. "It was beautiful then, so I expected it to be beautiful, but ..."

"This one was much more romantic, wasn't it?" Drew says.

E-mail lbishop@enquirer.com