"A man asks when the Opening Ceremony is," she said. "And his friend says it is Aug. 13, and the first man says, 'Oh, it's too close,' but then asks whether the opening is in the morning or in the evening. The second man says it is in the evening. The first man says, 'Oh, that's OK.' "

Is there any way this is going to go smoothly?

'Kenya' guess the dopey?

Sports gambling Web site WagerOnSports.com this week released odds regarding which country would be the first to forfeit an Olympic athlete due to a failed drug test.

China was tabbed the early favorite at 5-to-1 odds, followed closely by Russia at 8-to-1. But dark horse Kenya "won" Wednesday when bantamweight boxer David Munyasia tested positive for the stimulant cathine during random pre-Games testing.

Kenya, however, fell into the "other" category and paid only 2-to-1.

Sticky icky Ricky

Carolina Panthers offensive lineman Adam Meadows retired this week after missing most of training camp because of an arthritic shoulder. Meadows recently signed a five-year, $15 million contract.

The situation seems odd, but makes one think: Maybe Ricky Williams should have claimed arthritis too. That would have explained the retirement and the ... um ... ya know, the other stuff.

Olympic streetwalking

An article appearing this week in The Scotsman, an online news-magazine, revealed the 24-hour-a-day party that is the Olympic Village experience. The story went on to report "that a union called the Movement of Greek Prostitutes is protesting against Athens' new 'unrealistic' zoning laws restricting legal brothels from operating within 200 meters of various public buildings."

"If the laws don't change," the story quoted the group's head, Dimitra Kanelopoulou, as saying, "prostitutes are going to flood the streets, topless and in heels. What a great image for the Olympics."

... Or not.